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Post by Admin on Jun 11, 2008 14:20:26 GMT -5
Please let us know what you think!
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Post by HoM on Jun 12, 2008 14:24:05 GMT -5
I think... Kid Miracleman is going evil.
...
Where's Neil Gaiman when you need him?
Now, you asked me to read your last issue, but I... Couldn't (and say, why do you ask me to read your stuff when you don't quid pro quo me back and read and feedback Wonder Woman? It's like a personal slight!). So I came on board this issue because the cover enticed me. There's no subtetly in this book. No subtext. It's all... I'll pull a quote!
...
I wish you'd try something new and different with this book! But instead you keep rehashing 52, and it doesn't compare. If you pushed on for something different, the book has the potential to be something else entirely, but right now, meandering in things we've experienced written by Grant Morrison, Geoff Johns, Mark Waid and Greg Rucka, it's just not as good as it could be. Stop fixating on the past, push forward, and let's see something new.
O, plus, Caesar is a dick and should not be in a book ever again.
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Post by lissilambe on Jun 12, 2008 14:31:18 GMT -5
Well okay, time to give some comment on the "Saga of Kid Miracleman" story we have brewing here.
It wasn't good, and it wasn't easy to read. The writing was very stilted and stiff, with no natural grace or flow to the grammatical constructions. Dialog was painfully unnatural, and I strongly suggest the time-tested technique many professionals and teachers offer in this instance: take a notebook, go to places of public activity (coffee house, park, mall benches, etc.) and listen to the people and how they talk. Make notes, jot down interesting snippets of conversation. Written dialog should rarely, if ever, be as "natural" as in the real world, because that just doesn't work either, but this was much too off. Also, nearly everyone spoke in the same voice, and dialog is such a critically important tool for carrying across personality and characterization and emotion and motive. Captain Marvel came across as different from the others because he was a caricature of his Golden Age self. Caesar came across as a bit different, but that's because he's a jerk and unpleasant to read. But at least his character came through. LOL
Because of this stilted, stiff writing, the story lacked any sense of subtlety, which is something that this story really needs. To get across all the emotional turmoil, dark feelings welling under frustration and annoyance, it needs a softer touch. It's tough though, none of this is easy. There's a lot of strong potential in the writing, it just needs work and practice. I would strongly recommend the books series "The Elements of Fiction Writing". Fantastic reference for all writers really, and could really help to bring out the talent working hard at these words.
The direction of the story does lack originality, which is such a bugaboo critique to make, especially in the comic book world. It's so very tough to make something different. There's nothing new to be written, so the best a writer can do is take what's been done, and twist it hard in a new direction. With Black Adam/Isis and with Kid Mirac...er, with Freddy's tale, you might be headed that way, but right now, there's no good indicator of that.
And a part of Freddy's story that confuses me is the concept of why Billy was given the power of Shazam after the failure of Black Adam. At least classically, conceptually, Billy as a modern youth has the idealism and optimism so important to preventing such tremendous power from corrupting him, such a thing that the Classical era adult Teth-Adam lacked and ultimately ate at him. So I hope you're touching on why Freddy's youth also doesn't serve him in the same stead as it serves Billy. Also classically, the magic of the lightning bolt covered up the identities of the Marvel Family. They'd change right in front of people sometimes, and no one would figure out who they were. I mention this because of Freddy looking exactly the same in both forms (and Mary too) and in the context of the story you're writing, the question becomes how no one IDs Freddy. Just something you might want to consider working in? Certain people couldn't be fooled (Sivana, for instance).
Anyway, the effort is in this story, the writing tries hard to carry across several different threads, and with some more work, some more experience, and some learning time with good reference material and reading other good writers (which all writers should be doing, after all...can't write well if you don't read constantly LOL), I'm sure this creative team can only get better.
Take care
Don
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Post by starlord on Jun 12, 2008 21:22:07 GMT -5
I think the problem might be that some of the things building here are reminiscent of recent events. It is true that there are very few original ideas anymore, but some of these are rather new.
And yes, some of it was stilted, but there was some very fun stuff in here as well, and you've got a great take on Ibis as well as the Captain.
The cover was amazing! Keep going! I'll definitely be back!
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Post by Admin on Jun 13, 2008 2:25:12 GMT -5
I mention this because of Freddy looking exactly the same in both forms (and Mary too) and in the context of the story you're writing, the question becomes how no one IDs Freddy. Just something you might want to consider working in? Certain people couldn't be fooled (Sivana, for instance). This was dealt with way back in issue 5: "But that was impossible. First of all, Freddy was thirteen, just as she was, and Kid Marvel appeared to be- what- eighteen, nineteen? Plus, Freddy was in a wheelchair, and Kid Marvel obviously was not. But everything about him - his bearing, his manner of speech, even his facial features - reminded her of her good friend." However, you're right; it would help to restate these things occasionally for newer readers. Also, apologies for the stiltedness, which I, as editor, must take responsibility for. |
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Mischief
Staff 
I Sit Upon My Throne As The Guardian & The Keeper Of The Lightning.
Posts: 1,517
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Post by Mischief on Jun 14, 2008 11:31:43 GMT -5
Well the comparison of the story of Kid Marvel and Kid Marvelman is something I don't see. And that being because I never read Marvelman or its American version Miracleman. The only thing I know of Marvelman is that he was a re-imagined Captain Marvel. He was produced in the states by Eclipse Comics and now in legal limbo. This storyline that involves Kid Marvel was...well we try to connect what we are writing to what was written before. And Charlie...I've read your previous stories on Action Comics and I even went back to read your earlier stuff too. So you actually have to catch up to the amount of stuff of your fine writing that the 'Chief has read. And thank you for the use of foul language in describing Caesar. The character is an extension of me and I can be a jerk like him and will be more than ready to say those things. In 52, Isis and Black Adam were not past lovers, as we wrote in our GODDESS FOUND storyline. Sivana returned in issue #10 and thank you Brian for noticing the return of Ibis the Invincible to Shazam! According to wikipedia, 'Kid Marvelman has become a violent, sadistic sociopath and the head of a corporation known as Sunburst Cybernetics. Keeping his true nature a secret, he nurses a deep, unreasoning hatred toward Marvelman, who suddenly re-appears.' We are making him aggressive, but his friends are noticing that change his character. Does anyone noticed that someone is actually pushing Freddy into doing these horrible acts? Plus we will be explaining his injuried left leg that was broken way back in issue #3. I will take blame for the staleness of this issue, which was done in a hurry. We will be looking to correct some of these problems of staleness. The EVIL WITHIN for a reason. LOL Finally the 'Chief is never offended by creative feedback and critiques. The 'Chief is still having fun and I'm surprised that the cover colors like that damn good. Wait is some one ghost coloring my stuff.  Thanks for the feedback, Mischief |
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