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Post by Admin on Mar 3, 2016 17:05:47 GMT -5
Please let us know what you think!
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Post by HoM on Mar 5, 2016 10:41:30 GMT -5
An interesting first issue. You clearly know the story you want to tell and there's a confidence in your prose, which is always a good way to get readers involved. The story itself was short, punchy, and an interesting glimpse into the early years of the Dark Knight. Deacon Blackfire didn't appear in our stories before today, only mentioned a few times, I think, during Breaking The Bat, when Dick was under the cowl. Nice to see that you might be digging deeper into that character, though we'd be hard pressed to surpass Jim Starlin's seminal work on the villain.
The voices of the characters were clear, they've been around and established for so long it's pretty easy to get a bead on them early, but some falter. You did great work with Harvey, Jim, Alfred, I was quite happy with seeing everyone interact. The dynamic of this pre-Commish Gordon and the perpetual Detective Bullock (though I think he's been promoted up in the later era in the DC2) was great, I think Grant LaFleche did something similar with his work in Batman: City of Crime, and I recommend you check that out, as it seems to be very much in the same vein as what you're doing here.
Bluebird is an interesting concept-- are we going to see Harper Row debut in this early years Batman tale? If I introduced the 'Batwatch' concept in Batman #15 (I can't recall if I was on the book at that point, or if Grant had taken the reins), I kind of regret how clunky the call sign is for it! The Schultz case is interesting, though we've been given nothing to go on apart from the decomposition being unnaturally fast... A horrifying visual, so well done with that.
Batman not knowing Romanian threw me a bit, took me out of the story actually, because this is a man who travelled the world, experienced all walks of life, and he's one of the greatest, most versatile men that ever lived. Him not being fluent in every language under the sun is something I never considered!
Jim knowing the Wayne family to be charitable toward him was odd, as I was always under the impression Gordon never really met the family, only coming into contact with Bruce after the death of his parents. It really depends on what timeline we're looking at. Was he a beat cop in Gotham, like in Scott Snyder's Batman, or was he a transfer from Chicago in Year One, like Frank Miller's take on the man?
From a purely technical standpoint, I think your writing would be better served if you moved away from the present tense narrative. Firstly, you slip into the past tense at times, so you need to a grip on the tenses as you move forward. When I first started on the site, David and others pointed our my propensity toward the present tense, and I quickly (I hope it was quickly) moved toward standardising my work toward the past.
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Hush10
Staff
Writer/Artist
Posts: 80
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Post by Hush10 on Mar 5, 2016 12:28:51 GMT -5
An interesting first issue. You clearly know the story you want to tell and there's a confidence in your prose, which is always a good way to get readers involved. The story itself was short, punchy, and an interesting glimpse into the early years of the Dark Knight. Deacon Blackfire didn't appear in our stories before today, only mentioned a few times, I think, during Breaking The Bat, when Dick was under the cowl. Nice to see that you might be digging deeper into that character, though we'd be hard pressed to surpass Jim Starlin's seminal work on the villain. Thanks for the kind words! This arc has been something I've been wanting to do for a while now, so I wanted this introduction to tease everything I have planned. Deacon Blackfire will not be a major player in this arc, other than a few references. But I do have plans for a physical appearance later on in my run. The voices of the characters were clear, they've been around and established for so long it's pretty easy to get a bead on them early, but some falter. You did great work with Harvey, Jim, Alfred, I was quite happy with seeing everyone interact. The dynamic of this pre-Commish Gordon and the perpetual Detective Bullock (though I think he's been promoted up in the later era in the DC2) was great, I think Grant LaFleche did something similar with his work in Batman: City of Crime, and I recommend you check that out, as it seems to be very much in the same vein as what you're doing here. Getting their characters and interactions was my biggest challenge, as I've always loved how all these characters bounce off of each other and I would hate to tarnish that. I hope to get deeper into them in upcoming issues. The City of Crime arc has attracted my attention, so I'll be reading that as soon as I can. Anything to improve character interactions is much appreciated. Bluebird is an interesting concept-- are we going to see Harper Row debut in this early years Batman tale? If I introduced the 'Batwatch' concept in Batman #15 (I can't recall if I was on the book at that point, or if Grant had taken the reins), I kind of regret how clunky the call sign is for it! The Schultz case is interesting, though we've been given nothing to go on apart from the decomposition being unnaturally fast... A horrifying visual, so well done with that. Bluebird is a high priority for me in this arc. This incarnation will be very similar to her comic counterpart, but I'll take an approach to her introduction more akin to Spoiler's role in Batman Eternal. The concept of 'Batwatch' was interesting, and I did want to utilize it. I thought it was a tedious code as well, but I didn't want to upset the continuity there so I kept it how it was. Now as for the Schultz case, my approach to that is not the best it could have been. I believe the next issue will expand on the case well enough to possibly undo my mistake. Looking at her unnatural decomposition, I hope the answers to that question will satisfy fans of the Golden Age Bat-tales. My main goal with this arc is to go back to Batman's otherworldly roots, while also referencing future events and hinting at arcs to come. Batman not knowing Romanian threw me a bit, took me out of the story actually, because this is a man who travelled the world, experienced all walks of life, and he's one of the greatest, most versatile men that ever lived. Him not being fluent in every language under the sun is something I never considered! That's the reaction I was hoping to receive, actually. My view of this is that Batman is still in the early stages of his career, and he doesn't know what to expect. He never considered he would ever hear Romanian in Gotham, and over time he lost his fluency in the language. This experience shows him to expect the unexpected, and he'll use it as a way to improve himself as a crime fighter. In the future, Batman won't be having this problem. Jim knowing the Wayne family to be charitable toward him was odd, as I was always under the impression Gordon never really met the family, only coming into contact with Bruce after the death of his parents. It really depends on what timeline we're looking at. Was he a beat cop in Gotham, like in Scott Snyder's Batman, or was he a transfer from Chicago in Year One, like Frank Miller's take on the man? With this I wanted to take the Scott Snyder approach to it, with Gordon being a beat cop. Prior to the night in Crime Alley, Gordon had met Thomas and Martha on several occasions. In their encounters, the Waynes treated Gordon like an actual person, which he was never accustomed to. Gordon has been close to the Wayne family ever since. That will factor into this arc very soon. From a purely technical standpoint, I think your writing would be better served if you moved away from the present tense narrative. Firstly, you slip into the past tense at times, so you need to a grip on the tenses as you move forward. When I first started on the site, David and others pointed our my propensity toward the present tense, and I quickly (I hope it was quickly) moved toward standardising my work toward the past. This kind of feedback is exactly what I need, thank you. I can see how this would be confusing, switching between past and present tense was not intentional, so I'll do my best to avoid that with upcoming issues. Again, thanks for the feedback. I'll do my best to improve over the course of my run. I hope you enjoy what I have coming up, and I'd love to hear what you have to say next time. Best wishes from a fellow DC fan, Mitchell Underwood
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Post by HoM on Mar 5, 2016 17:34:44 GMT -5
No worries, Mitchell. I'll keep reading and commenting yours if you return the favour! See you in #48!
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Post by HoM on Apr 24, 2016 15:20:11 GMT -5
When are we going to see the next issue, Mitchell?
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Hush10
Staff
Writer/Artist
Posts: 80
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Post by Hush10 on Apr 24, 2016 23:43:44 GMT -5
When are we going to see the next issue, Mitchell? I actually had the issue near ready to go sometime last month, but unfortunately the majority of the issue disappeared. I,ve had similar issues on the program before but I had assumed it was fixed, and sadly I've had no time to rewrite what was lost. I'm hoping to find time this week, but no guarantees. School and sports are time consuming this time of year, as I've learned haha. It will definitely be coming before the end of May, is what I can say however.
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Post by HoM on Apr 25, 2016 2:14:18 GMT -5
That's a damn shame. Do you use Dropbox to back it up? Google Drive is a good one too. What are you using as a word processor?
I remember when I lost whole reams of stuff so I just stopped writing because that second attempt will never be as pure as the first, but needs must and you just have to persevere!
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