Letters to Doom Patrol #1

Sorry about the prologue. Mallah wasn't intended to be in it; it was only supposed to be Brain, Immortus and Rouge. I don't know how that slipped past me.

Great finishing work on the cover, Ramon! A big huge thanks on that sir.

Nice introduction to the team, Chase. This issue functioned as a zero issue of sorts and now that all the pieces are in place I can't wait to see where you go with the team. Great fun working with you on this and I have a feeling the best is yet to come.

Mark,
My name is misspelled? Is there something you know that I don't?

Thanks for the compliment.
This really was a 0 issue for me. One of my goals in writing this is to take a look at the characters and define them as best I can. Hopefully every one of them should remind you of someone in your life, for better of worse.
Next issue, the heat really gets turned up as the team has to deal with a very deadly threat. After that it should balance out to a nice equilibrium of characterization and action.

Doom Patrol #1

Interesting. OK, I happened to like the brief bios each character gave. I’ve never read an issue of Doom Patrol before, so this was a nice (and quick!) insight into their histories without delving into every little aspect.

Some parts of the issue were rushed, it seemed. The battle with the Brotherhood was over way too fast. The Guerilla vs. Monkey thing was a little odd… At first in the prologue Mallah was referred to as a guerilla with a machine gun. I’ve never seen a baby guerilla before, so it made me wonder if one holding a machine gun made sense. Then I just read my last sentence which to an outsider would make no sense to anyone… such is the beauty of the DOOM Patrol, if I’m not mistaken. Anyway, toward the end he was referred to as a pet baby monkey. Could a baby monkey hold a machine gun? Inquiring minds want to know!

So they were in the void for, the real-world equivillent of, 12 years? Interesting! Will we be seeing Beast-Boy anytime soon?

Brandon & Ramon the cover is great, Mento’s jaw-line reminds me of Syndrome!

Chase,

This was your first fan-fic? Wow! I'm impressed... I've never posted my first fan-fic. It was a Star Wars story that ended up so convoluted & jumbled that I couldn't even make heads or tails of it!

What could have been improved:

Well... the fight scene was rushed, and as a result lost some of it's dramatic tension. That's about all I think could have been better... oh, and some of Madam R's dialogue was a bit silly... She'd have been more threatening a foe if she'd kept her mouth shut a bit more. But, her character is a talker, so there's a conundrum for you.

Other advice I offer that has nothing to do with your story, but may help you since this is your first fan-fic:
I myself learned by trial & error, coupled with re-write after re-write. Tales of the Green Lantern Corps went through so many different versions that it hardly resembles the original story anymore, and I'm not saying that as a bad thing at all!

What I'd do, is write it... step back for a day or so & then re-read it. Get my wife to read it... my friends to read it... anyone I could push it in front of to read it. Take, their criticism and try to re-write it. The best was my wife, because she could care less about the characters. So if I could make her care, then I knew I did something right.

I know it can be tough, but don't let negative feedback get you down (if only I could head my own advice there). Keep writing, I'll keep reading!

Hope this is helpful & if it's not just tell me to shut the $#@& up!

Scott

Don't worry about it Brandon. You've got a lot on your plate and you fixed them, so don't worry at all.

Thanks for all the advice LanternLad! I'm having some of my friends read through #2 and will probably end up completely re-writing it.
I know the fight was rushed, but that was somewhat on purpose. Next month, well all I can say is $hit hits the fan. So look out for one hell of a brawl. I will keep a focus on my fights in mind in the future though and hopefully I'll get some good feedback on how to improve them next month.

Thanks for all the advice so far, keep it coming.

Chase

I only have a vague knowledge of Doom Patrol, so I went into this pretty cold. For the most part, they fit what I knew: they tend to skew towards the surreal, and this story was definitely that. The action was jumpy, but I got the gist of what was going on. Maybe not something I'll read every issue of, but I'll keep looking in from time to time -- it's got monkeys, so that's a plus! ;D

And makes you look stark raving when you repeat it to your writing amigos.

I kid, Brian, I kid. I have a very similar style of doing so.

I play it out like a film in my head, and then just write it how it flows...

now the character stuff. That is so much harder. Trying to make sure each one has a seperate and distinctive voice is not easy.

That is exactly what I'm focusing on. I think Cliff and Mento are pretty distinctive, but Larry and Rita I'm having more trouble with. Larry's problem with dialogue is that he's a shy person, not the easiest to write.

Well, I was one of those heartless people who voted "This Could Have Been Better" (if I'd known it was your first fanfic I might not have been quite so brutal). My main problem with it (apart from the monkey thing that's now been corrected) was the sheer amount of information you had to impart, which made it seem rushed. I also thought The Chief was a bit slow to react to not feeling his legs. I also didn't get the Immortus being named after a singer or the Mentok references but that might just be me not getting 1993 US cultural references.

On the plus side, apart from the void stuff that I already mentioned, I liked the way you had them disappear to sort of match in with DC continuity (although I'm totally lost on Doom Patrol continuity since John Byrne took over) - also since it was their first adventure the public won't know about them and the fact they've disappeared anyway so I'm not sure how you're going to use this in the rest of the series.

“You hurt a monkey!?”

“Don’t be foolish, I merely threatened it.”

“That’s horrible!”


I don't know why but I found that to be very funny! I laughed out loud!
I am playing catch-up and I think you have some positive and constructive critiques already. I will try and add a few different things.

I think the overall plot was good. I think the execution was lacking in places and it was a bit jumbled. Before I write I do a couple of things. I write down everything I can think of that I want to happen in the story that moves the plot along. Then I write down all the characters involved. Then I break the entire story out into scenes. I write the story one scene at a time but it helps to keep me on track for the most part. I know it’s a challenge between the story in your head and how you choose to reveal it to the reader. This is something that gets better with practice!
As for characters: being new to this myself I struggle with this a lot in Suicide Squad. My only advice is to write down as much as you can about each characters 'inner voice' thinking of them as real people. Once you have a foundation they will start to write themselves! As for how to keep track of them all: I don't know because I consistently have several characters voices in my head all the time! I don't dare tell anyone that for fear they might think I am crazy but it works!

What Scott said was great advice. My wife is my greatest critic and the most objective. She could care less about 'comic book' stories so if I can get her to care about the story then I have done something right. Just remeber everyone isn't qualified to be a critic but everyone has an opinion. Don't let the bad get you down. Not everyone will like what you do so don't try to please everyone. Just write what you'd like to read and that should be good enough.
As for the Doom Patrol them selves, I am a big fan of almost every incarnation of the team and I like the way you are treating them here. I look forward to reading more! For your first story I think you did a wonderful job. Just keeping plugging a way and I will keep reading!

I really liked this issue!
Not being a big fan of the team or the concept before this, I went into this with no pre-conceptions, and just tried to enjoy it--- and I really did! I thought it was a breezy, fun read, with just the right mix of weird and superhero action! As a result, I'm a fan now, and can't wait to read issue 2 (and maybe I'll go buy some of the original series stuff--- any reccomendations?).
Well done, Chase!

There are really only two main periods for the team. The early Arnold Drake/Bruno Premiani work had a lot of momentum and the team had a strong run in the 60s.

Then a few revivals till the 80s book that Morrison took over and went crazy on. A really good run and some of his more lunatic work. Approach cautiously. ;D

Then back to various tries leading all the way up to the present.

BUT, there seems to be something in the pipe for the group with Johns taking an interest and Beast Boy now back with the team. I believe Johns mentioned somewhere that Morrison has had a few ideas for the future of the team, which is awesome news. If Morrison picked the team back up now (coupled with their recent exposure on the Teen Titans cartoon), I think it could skyrocket their popularity to new heights.