SSOSV: Issue 11

Six costumed beings came forth from the underground sanctuary Mantis had been assigned to guard, and they now charged the pair, ready for battle. Flying through the sky were Capt. Comet and Star Sapphire; bringing up the rear were Capt. Boomerang, Capt. Cold and the Mirror Master, and leading the charge was a grimly determined clone of a 1940's costumed hero.

"Manhunter!", the Darkseid-impostor cried. "And my former Earthly minions!"

"At last, Darkseid," Manhunter gritted, "we are face to face!"

The disguised DeSaad turned and waved away the flying figure on skis.

"Away, Racer," he ordered. "Have patience…and you shall claim more than just one victim this day!"

As the Black Racer silently did as he was told, the godling disguised as Darkseid turned to his other lackey.

"Victims which you will supply, Mantis!", he barked. "Now! Prove your loyalty to Darkseid by destroying the super-villains!"

As "Darkseid" levitated himself out of the line of fire, Mantis used one of his energy bursts to blow a trench in the earth between himself and the villains, halting their charge.

"Gladly, great master!", the power parasite said eagerly. Then, pointing at Manhunter, he proclaimed, "You shall be the first to die!"

Once more, crackling energy flew forth from his hands. But instead of bodies falling, more icy chunks showered the area.

"What…?", Mantis cried, dumbfounded.

"You just killed our reflections on a sheet of ice," Mirror Master's voice came from behind him, "a clever collaborative trick by Captain Cold and yours truly!"

As Mantis turned to gape in surprise at the three villains, Boomerang was poised to hurl another of his arsenal at the power parasite. Mantis glared at the Australian as if daring him to do so; while he was thus distracted, Capt. Cold discreetly fired his own weapon, creating a sheath of ice underneath the energy vampire's feet. When he noticed himself slipping, he tried to right himself…and was knocked onto his backside when the three villains stepped in to sock him in the face.

This in itself was humiliating enough, but now, DeSaad had returned to loom over him in his Darkseid guise, to rub his nose in his shame.

"They are besting you, Mantis," the ersatz lord of Apokolips pointed out, "a poor showing for one of my elite!"

"I have been…er…merely toying with them, master," Mantis said hastily. "But now, the games will…what magic is this?"

As he'd been speaking, Mantis had begun firing a new round of energy bursts at the three rogues from Central City. His astonishment came at the fact that they were falling far short of their targets.

"My energy blasts…slowing down…stopping?", he asked, of no one in particular.

"No magic, Mantis," came a voice from above. "Merely the mental powers of Captain Comet…a man born 100,000 years before his time!"

Comet punctuated this statement with a sock to the power leech's jaw, which knocked Mantis back onto his posterior with a grunt of pain. Still, he recovered quickly, even as Comet circled back around for another punishing blow.

"Keep talking, witless fool," Mantis thought wickedly, "while I deliver a power-charged blow to your…"

"It is not I who am witless, Mantis," Comet assured him, as he grabbed the energy parasite's wrist before a blow could be struck. "You are the fool, for thinking you can pull a sneak attack on a man who can read minds!"

"What…?", Mantis cried dumbly, scarce believing any human…even a mutant…could move that quickly.

As Comet judo-tossed Mantis away from him, the false Darkseid egged him and his fellows on, almost as if he found the battle dull.

"That's it, Earth men," he urged. "Destroy Mantis. It will save me the bother…and then, I will have only you to dispose of!"

"You'll be disposing of no one, Darkseid," said Manhunter, as he leapt from behind onto "Darkseid's" back, "this is the day you die!"

"He's gotten too close!", DeSaad thought, panicking. "I must escape, before my ruse is exposed!"

And, on that ominous note: back at the Sinister Citadel, where Sinestro and the Wizard have just come face to face with Funky Flashman, the bearded con artist had removed his dark glasses and was still finessing his sales pitch to the two villains.

"And now, my felonious friends," Flashman enthused, "fabulous Funky has a pleasant proposition to present! My in-the-know admirers have long claimed that I am the salesman supreme…and being one who would never deny or disappoint his frantic fans, I have always sought nifty new markets for the multiplicity of merchandise I've moved!"

Scarcely pausing for breath, he went on, "And now…for a limited time only…I, the fabulously famous Funky Flashman…can be yours!"

"Please forgive my ignorance, friend Funky," Sinestro said sarcastically, "but are you speaking English?"

"Why, my good man," Funky responded without missing a beat, "please do not jest when I am about to make you an offer no man…or alien, for that matter…could in his right mind refuse!" And for emphasis, he slapped Sinestro briskly on the back, a gesture that galled the Korugarian greatly.

Sensing his comrade's growing ire, the Wizard stepped in to play diplomat.

"Please do not misunderstand my esteemed companion," the magical menace said tactfully. "He is, after all, a native of another world…"

The renegade Green Lantern cut him off before he could continue, though. "Make no excuses for me, Wizard," Sinestro said curtly. "I just wish our host would, as you Earthmen say, lay his cards on the table!"

"Of course, of course," Funky said soothingly. "How foolish I am not to realize that master villains like yourselves have no time to dally…there are worlds to be conquered!"

As he said this, Flashman withdrew a cigar from a pocket in his shirt and prepared to place it in his mouth. He then began fumbling for his pocket lighter.

"SIR! WOULD YOU PLEASE…?", Sinestro barked.

"Oh!", Flashman replied. "Uh, yes, of course!"

By this time, he had found his lighter, put the cigar in his mouth and then lit it.

"Now, as I was saying before I was…er…interrupted," Flashman began again, "I can sell anything…to anybody…and in a bombastic brainstorm, it came to me that my greatest challenge still lay ahead! Now..", and here he paused, to blow a puff of acrid cigar smoke directly into Sinestro's face, "what is the most difficult barrier a new product must overcome?" Another puff of smoke, again in Sinestro's face.

"No, no, don't bother to answer…I'll tell you!", the smooth talker rolled on. "Consumer resistance! And nobody faces more resistance than super-villains…and all because of bad p.r.!"

As the air surrounding Funky filled with foul-smelling smog from the rancid cigar, Sinestro finally lost what small patience he had.

"I have had enough!", he declared.

"Now, now, don't get red in the face," Funky said hastily, "though I must confess I can not tell if you do indeed reflect that condition…"

At this point, Sinestro silenced Flashman the quickest way he knew how: he put his hand into the man's face and shoved him backwards, taking a fractionary delight in the fact that this also crushed the stinking cigar.

Sinestro then turned to the nearest wall, and used his power ring to temporarily open a hole in it, through which he flew.

"Farewell, fool!", he said in parting. "Sinestro has had more than his fill of Earth and its inhabitants!"

"Hmph!", Funky snorted as he regained his composure. "Well, he'd be a tough one to sell to the public anyway…that red skin, you know? Now, Wizard, my man…"