All Star Comics Featuring Plastic Man Issue 4: "Stop Me If You've Heard This One..." Or "... And You Are?" Written by Brian Burchette Cover by Kevin Hill Edited by David Charlton
“You know, Eel, I haven’t seen you this upset since that time in Tijuana when you actually thought that guy was a…”
“I knew exactly what that guy was, I was working a case, had to cover all angles…can we just stick to the subject, please.” Sighed Plastic Man as he and his companion, Woozy Winks, Jr. continued to run down the street. “The point is that this kid tells me I’m not cut out for his two bit team? I’ve been around longer then any of them! Let’s face it, I’ve been around longer then Bats or Supes. Tell me I’m not cut out for it! I was staring death in the face when Maxwell Smart was playing with his shoe phone. I was the most famous guy on the team. Everybody knows Plastic Man! Oh, but mark my word, J.W., they’ll want me back, there’ll be some big crisis and they’ll come crawling back on their knees.”
“Wow,” his heavy set side kick panted while trying to keep up, “Power Girl, too? ‘Cause I’d really like to see that, if you know what I mean?”
Before they got to the corner, Eel stopped and motioned for Woozy to stay against the wall. They could hear the commotion around the corner and Plas’s neck began to stretch until it had gone to the end of the wall and swung around, leaving Woozy to catch his breath.
Seven police cars were staged in front of the bank. Officers were taking cover behind the vehicles as the one in charge was ordering the men inside to give up now and come out peacefully.
“Excuse me,” Plas whispered in the ear of a nearby officer who jumped at the voice, then turned, and jumped at the sight of the dislocated head. “I was in the neighborhood and wondered if you gentlemen could use some help?”
The officer nodded silently and Plas winked and turned to leave, but not before he heard the young cop whisper to his Sergeant.
“Sir, we’ve got help coming. Elongated Man is here.”
He came back to his body mumbling, catching sight of his partner who had sat down on the ground and was staring straight up.
“Nice time for a break.”
“You know, Eel, I stopped going to this bank right after they spent all that money to build that new glass dome. Seemed gaudy to me, trying to make the place look all fancy and stuff. I said right then and there that if they had money to throw around like that, they didn’t need mine.”
Plastic Man stared down at him, “Uh huh, well, thanks for that. Wait a minute…hey…thanks for that!” He smiled to himself. “Wait right here, buddy.” His body melded and folded in on itself until he became a red and yellow pogo stick. He took a couple of quick bounces and then propelled himself onto the roof.
The four men in the bank were pacing around, guns in hand, hoods over their heads, mumbling under their breath. Things had not gone as well as they had planned. In fact they were in way over their heads. It had been brilliantly planned and poorly executed. Even though they were able to get into the bank at a time that there were no patrons (the only thing that worked out), the device they believed would jam any alarms, was a dud. Their fault really, they should have tested it more thoroughly. Now they had police everywhere and nobody had a plan to get out. It couldn’t have been any worse…or so they thought…
They heard the crash above them and looked up to see what appeared to be the form of a bat, a red and yellow bat, with a bizarre face of a man with goggles and two points sticking out of the top of his head.
“You know,” the form was saying as it fell towards the ground, “I hope I’m not infringing on any trade marks here, cause I really don’t need that at the moment.”
Right before he hit the ground he again changed forms into a large ball, bouncing off the floor and into the closest thief, knocking him down. He then bounced towards the second one and at the last second turned himself into a large baseball bat, swinging and connecting upside the thug’s head. He fell to the floor unconscious.
“Aww geez,” one of them exclaimed, “It’s Elonga…”
“For pete’s sake,” Eel interrupted as he spun out of his bat form and flung his arms across the room, smashing his fist into the guy’s face. “I’m really getting tired of that. I think I need a new agent.”
The fourth guy was running for the front door, but was stopped by a leg that blocked it. With lightening speed, the foot came up and kicked the last man in the face, sending him flying onto the ground.
Plastic Man smiled as he looked around. “Well that made me feel a whole lot better, how ‘bout you guys?” His form once again changing into the shape of a small bulldozer that scooped up the four robbers and proceeded out the front door; dumping them in front of the officers.
Several of the policemen ran up and began to cuff the men as Plas walked over to the officer in charge.
“Hey, Plas!” Woozy shouted as he came trotting around the corner with cell phone in hand. “My Dad just called. His buddy at STAR Labs needs help and he thought that maybe we could give them a hand.”
Eel’s face lit up. Woozy Sr. had been his best friend for years. He would have walked through Hades itself for his buddy who was now confined to a wheelchair. There was also a small pang of guilt every time he thought of him. It was obvious by now that the acid that Eel had fallen into had not only given him these incredible powers, but had also imbued him with longevity. The biggest draw back to that was watching the people he cared about growing old around him.
Professor Marcum was an African American woman in her late fifties who appeared nervous, tired, and terrified. When she saw Eel and Woozy Jr. coming toward the building, she ran out to greet them.
After brief introductions, the Professor motioned them into the building as she explained what was going on. “It’s Dr. Odom, he’s shut himself up in sub-basement level three. He found out that several of his projects were being terminated because of the potential dangers that exist. Unfortunately Odom was already under some, uh, mental stress.”
“What happened,” Plas asked as they worked their way to an elevator.
“Well, one of his experiments is using gamma energy to power a type of worm hole through space and time. Last month he tested a gamma bomb in the desert of New Mexico so that he could measure the power and radiation levels. His assistant, Professor Jones, accidentally wandered into the blast zone. Dr, Odom tried to get him out of there before the explosion, but couldn’t. What happened to Professor Jones was like nothing I had ever seen before.”
J.W. interrupted, “Jones turned into some huge hulking grey monster, didn’t he?”
“Nooo, actually he turned into the inside of a dirty ashtray.”
“Oh.”
“Anyway, since then he’s kind of gone off the deep end, convinced that he can bring his assistant back if he can create this worm hole. When the head of facility tried to shut him down, he went crazy and locked himself into the lab. We’re not even sure what all he has down there. We didn’t want to call the police yet, in case there were things down there that they couldn’t handle. I’m friends with Mr. Winks, Sr. and he told me you were in town and could probably help. We’d like to keep this as low key as possible.”
Eel nodded as he and his partner examined the elevator. It was obvious that the power had been shut off.
“Have you been able to over ride the commands on the elevators at all?”
The Professor shook her head, “No. He’s pretty much got everything locked down. We have some air shafts that are accessible to anyone small enough to get into them.”
Plas nodded and turned to his buddy. “Okay, it’s going to be your job to get everyone out of the building quietly. Just in case things turn nasty, I want this place as empty as Melanie Griffith’s head.”
“Who?”
“Never mind, just make sure you keep it as low key as possible. Professor, can you show me to one of these air shafts?”
Marcum nodded her head and walked him down the hall and pointed up at an air duct that was placed about ten feet from the ground. He examined the small opening and nodded, turning back to the scientist. “If things go badly, you may want to call in reinforcements.”
“I have the numbers to Powers, Inc.”
“No! Anyone but them! Try the Teen Titans, or the Doom Patrol, or…or…you know, this world needs one large group of heroes that the people can really depend on. Hmm, maybe that’s what I should do, bring together the major hero’s of our time and we could form a league of our own.”
“I didn’t know Rosie O’Donnell was a super-hero?” Winks asked.
“Only in her mind, pal, only in her mind. Now go, and remember, get them out as quickly and quietly as possible.”
Grinning ear to ear, J.W. took off down the corridor with the Professor. Eel looked up and stretched his body, thinning it out as he reached the vent, becoming so malleable that he almost appeared to be liquid.
He slithered down and around the metal vent, making no noise at all as he went down and around, feeling his way through. He began to hear people shouting in the hallways, running in panic. He listened closely, hoping to make out some of the words that they were saying…no, scratch that…screaming. It was all too inaudible, until he heard the voice of the junior Winks panting as he came running by.
“Wait, stop, I meant to say ‘a drill’ this is only a drill… sorry.”
Plas rolled his eyes and continued his decent until he could hear a male voice coming from somewhere just ahead. He slithered down until he came to an air duct, the slits wide open. He peered in and saw a large room filled with computer counsels and video screens. Against one wall was a large circular object that stood about five feet off the ground. In the opposite corner there sat a large vat with some kind of red liquid, bubbling, smoke rising from it. Dr. Odom stood in his lab coat near a row of counsels that were humming ever so slightly. The man was mumbling to himself. His leathery looking faced contorted into some kind of demented determination.
No time like the present, Eel thought as he brought himself around and used his legs to break open the grate that covered the vent. The doctor looked up startled as Plastic Man dropped down into the room. It was then that he noticed the catwalk that surrounded the top of the large room, and emergency exit in the top corner.
“Who dares…” the doctor demanded.
“So, umm, what’s up doc?”
“You’re too late, Elongated Man,” Odom exclaimed as he threw a switch, the room automatically starting to hum. His eyes had turned wild.
Plas sighed, “I’m not…oh never mind.”
He began to stretch towards the insane doctor when it hit him. Something was pulling him back towards the far wall. He turned his head to see that the round opening had been turned on and a green swirling mist was emanating from it, and he was being sucked into it.
“My calibrations are perfect, and nobody can stop me. In moments, you and I will be heading into the past, and I will be able to save my dear, dear friend and partner.”
“Geez doc, you make it sound a little Brokeback, you know what I mean?” He was gritting his teeth as he tried to fight the force that was slowly pulling him in. He looked around wildly and saw what he needed, one of the metal poles that were used to support the cat-walk. With all the strength he could muster, he stretched his arm out and reached the pole, his hand turning into a huge anchor as he tried to keep himself from going in.
Doctor Odom was running towards him, no towards the opening. There was only one way to stop him, and he let go of the bar and threw himself at the circular opening, using his arms and legs at the last second to catch himself and he stretched his body around the opening, fighting the pull that was threatening to drag him in.
“Get away, you fool!” Odom shouted. He picked up a chair and flung it at the body covering his escape.
Plas grinned to himself as an idea came to him. He gritted his teeth, waiting for the impact of the chair, and when it came he enveloped his body around it, shifting the molecules until he had practically formed a fist within his stomach. Then, still straining from the pull of the open wormhole, he forced the chair back out, tossing it with all his might.
It hurdled towards the doctor who dove out of the way, coming up laughing. “You fool, you missed.”
Eel grinned as the chair made contact with the powered up console. It exploded in showers of sparks, the doctor let out a scream of rage, but Eel O’Brian neither heard nor saw any of it. The feedback was instantaneous, the power coursed through his body so swiftly that he didn’t even have time to scream out in pain. It was too fast, too furious. His body flipped and shuddered, until the power ran out, and he fell to the ground, his body stretched out all over the floor.
Dr. Odom was screaming irrationally as some kind of gun game out of his jacket pocket. He was running up the steps towards the emergency exit, but not before he turned around and aimed the gun at the stretched out hero.
“This will be the last time you ever interfere in my plans again,” he shouted, raising the gun.
Eel saw the vent plate laying there and quickly grabbed it, throwing it like a Frisbee, straight at the gun. At the same moment the door behind the Doctor was kicked in and he fell forward, just as the open vent panel hit him square in the face. He screamed and spun around, loosing his balance, slipping off the catwalk and into the large vat below, where he sunk to the bottom.
Woozy Winks Jr. and Dr, Marcum came bursting through the door, a grin on the young side kicks face.
“We’re here to help,” he shouted, triumphantly.
“Great timing,” Plas mumbled, pulling himself together and getting up. “That vat, Dr. Marcum, do you know what it is?”
“Another project he was working on. He called it Adhesive Y. He claimed it would be the strongest bonding agent ever known to man.”
Plas went to respond but a growing rumble interrupted him. They all turned to the opening of the now shut down worm hole. To Eel’s shock, it was still glowing, the smoke inside of it still swirling even faster. Then something moved. Something was coming out of the hole. He backed up cautiously.
“You guys might want to skedaddle for a bit. I’ve got a bad feeling about this.”
The other two were frozen as the figure stepped out of the mist. There was a collective gasp as a man stepped out of the opening. Although his costume was a dark maroon and the yellow parts more of a dark gold, it was apparent that it was another Plastic Man.
“Whoa!” Woozy Jr. shouted. “It’s you, Plas!”
“I know, I know! My God, am I really that good looking?”
“Hear me, little man,” the newcomer spoke in a dark and resonating voice. It began to grow as it spoke. “I am more then I once was. I am power incarnate! Now, and forever, I am Dark Plastic!”
Silence filled the room. Eel turned to his comrades, “He’s kidding…right?”
Dr. Marcum pointed at the creature, “He’s going to bring the roof down around us,” she shouted as Dark Plastic had smashed through the ceiling and was continuing to grow.
Plas shot up and towards his friends, covering them with his body. He felt the debris coming down all around him, using his elastically enhanced form to keep it from crushing them. Eventually the roar of the collapse faded and with some effort, Eel was able to dig them out.
After they had crawled from the wreckage, Woozy looked around wildly. “Over there! He’s over there.”
They looked to see Dark Plastic making his way into town, over twelve feet tall, crushing everything in his path. There were sounds of panic and sirens.
“Come on,” Plas shouted as he grabbed the two by the waist and stretched himself up, using his long legs to try and make up the difference. “How did this happen, Doc? What can we do to stop him, or at least get him to regular size?”
“The only other scientist who could possibly help us is Dr. Timothy Brooks, he’s been working on ways to manipulate matter to change its size. He calls it his Tim Particles, but he’s on the other side of the country.”
“Why does he keep stopping like that?” Woozy asked.
“He’s searching for something,” Eel replied. “If we knew what, it might give us a clue on how to stop him. Once I catch up with him, I’ll set you two down and see what I can do. Doctor, I suggest you try to get this Tim Brooks on the phone, see if he has any ideas. The fate of the entire city could depend upon it.”
Buried in wreckage of the S.T.A.R. labs, the vat that once contained what would have been the world’s strongest adhesive, is now drained; destroyed with the rest of the lab. Lying next to it is a scientist who’s sanity up until then was shaky at best. Now, as he slowly moves, sitting up, his mind stands on the brink of the abyss, waiting for one thing to plunge him into the darkness.
“What happened?” Dr. Odom asks as he struggles to get up. His voice is different. It sounds muted, almost metallic. There is something wrong with his face, it feels heavy, cold. He puts his hands to his face and the horror of what he feels sends him over the edge. The vent plate is glued to his face. The flaps still open, giving him limited sight, but no matter how much he struggles to tear it off, he cannot. It is on his face forever!
“Nooo!” He screams into the air. “Curse you and your interference! I swear on all that I hold dear, you shall pay for this! Your day will come, Elongated Man, and when it does, Dr. Odom will be there to end it!”
They were just outside of the city when Plastic Man had caught up with his evil doppelganger. He sat his friends down and stretched himself in front of the dark creature.
“Hi there, name’s Plastic Man, or for you I guess I could be Light Plastic. I taste great and am less filling. Eww, forget that last part. Is there something I can help you look for, my, umm, handsome looking friend?”
Dark studied the man in front of him for a moment, then swung his arm back and knocked Eel out of the way. “You cannot help me. I search for that which helped me become what I am. Without it, I am incomplete.”
He began to step towards the town again, but Plas wrapped himself around the twin’s legs and held tight, making the giant lose his balance and fall to the ground with a thunderous crash.
“Hey, don’t be like that,” Eel said as he quickly wrapped himself up and around the rest of the giant’s body. “I know we’ve just met, but I feel like I’ve known you forever. What say you tell me what you’re looking for and I’ll help you look for it.”
The younger Winks ran up to the scene. “Plas, Doctor Marcum is still trying to get in touch with her friend, but she’s having a hard time of it.”
Marcum’s voice could be heard nearby, “Can you hear me now? I said can you hear me now! Damn that Catherine Zeta Jones! Last time I listen to her!”
Dark Plastic was struggling, both men’s bodies becoming one tangled mass. Then suddenly he stopped. “You,” he cried out.
Eel glanced in the direction of where his foe was looking, which was straight at Woozy. The creature was quieting down, his body going slack, but not shrinking.
“Uh….yeah…hi there!” Woozy said, backing away just slightly.
Dark Plastic’s head turned slightly, his face showing confusion and concern. “No, you are not what I seek, yet you are familiar. Get off of me!” He bellowed as he instantly expanded his body, breaking the grip that Plas had on him, and flinging the hero into a nearby tree. The dark one then got back up and continued his journey into the city, growing another six feet, to the horror of the others.
“Oh no,” Eel whispered. “I know what he’s looking for. I know what he is! Woozy, I have a job for you,” he said as he disentangled himself from the tree.
Twenty minutes later, Dark Plastic had reached the city limits. The police had seen the creature coming and had already begun to evacuate the areas that they could, but it was too late. In the end they forced the people out of their cars, telling them to run. The panic in the city was rising at an alarming level.
“Hey, you studly looking dude! Let’s try this again.” Plastic Man shouted as he swung his arms out, shaping them into a giant mallet, and hitting his twin in the back of the head.
The creature turned towards him in rage, growing another three feet. He swung back at the hero, but Plas easily dodged the blow. Eel stretched up to meet his opponent, arms outstretched as he did so, coming up under the dark man’s chin. Dark Plastic fell back and landed hard, sitting on top of a crushed taxi cab.
“I will destroy you for that!” it bellowed, windows from the surrounding buildings shattering at the sound of the voice.
He stood up, but wavered. “What is happening to me?”
“What I had hoped was happening,” Plas replied. “Whatever kind of energy you are made from is burning out, and so are you, pal.”
“No,” it screamed. “I am power incarnate. I am infinite.”
“Sorry, DP, you’re not. No one is…well, maybe Tom Cruise, but trust me, he’s already aware of it.”
As the creature swayed on his feet, another voice was heard from the street below. “Plas? Plas, I’m here.”
Dark Plastic looked down to see an old man in a wheelchair looking up at him. It was what he had been seeking. In his mind, it was what he believed he needed to go on, this was what had helped make him who he was. He looked down at the old man and a smile appeared on his face.
“I have been looking for you,” D.P. answered with much sadness in his voice.
The old man gazed up at him with a warm smile, “It has been a while, hasn’t it. Why don’t you come down here so we can talk?”
Surprisingly that’s exactly what Dark Plastic did. He began to shrink back down, but he was wavering as he did so, as though he were growing tired. When he reached a more normal height he swayed once and then sat down hard on the ground.
“I’ve missed you,” Dark Plastic said to the old man in almost a whisper. “You were always there to give me the power that I needed, to go on, to be more then I was.”
“…And you were always there to get me out of the trouble I always seemed to find myself in,” the wheel chaired gentleman replied.
Dark Plas was beginning to sway and shimmer, “You are my best friend, Woozy.”
“Same here, Plas, always have been, always will be.”
The dark twin smiled again as the energy that had created him fell apart and he vanished into thin air. The rest of them stood there for a moment, none of them able to speak. Finally Eel walked up to his old friend.
“How’d I do, Eel?” Woozy Winks, Sr. asked, his face beaming with pride.
“You did great. You saved the city.”
“Umm, what just happened?” Woozy Jr. asked, obviously confused.
Eel grinned at the younger Winks, “Well, my best guess is that the power feedback from the wormhole created another me. One that brought out my darker thoughts, my deepest regrets; I figured it out when Dark Plastic saw you and thought you were your Dad. Let’s get out of here. We’ve got a lot of catching up to do,” Eel said as he grabbed the wheelchair and began to push his oldest and dearest friend.
“Hey, you, hold it right there!” a man called as he came running up to them, his face full of rage. “What about my taxi? Who’s going to pay for it? This ain’t no act of God, you know!”
Plastic Man smiled politely and gave him a reassuring pat on the shoulder, “Give me a call, and I’ll take care of everything. Names Dibney, Ralph Dibney.” He turned and continued his walk with his friends. “Coming Doctor Marcus?” he called out.
