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Post by Admin on Sept 20, 2007 6:47:05 GMT -5
Please let us know what you think!
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Post by lissilambe on Sept 20, 2007 11:07:10 GMT -5
While there seemed to be an interesting story going on in here, I'm afraid it's hurt by a large number of grammatical errors and just incorrect word usage. That was sad, but it happens, and I hope it can be taken care of better in the future. The worst of the offenders was "intensive purposes"...the phrase is "...for all intents and purposes".
Beyond that, while the story had potential, I wasn't all that happy with some of the characterization. Since I looked over the various title histories and made the decision to basically start from the current issue to read all the titles (at this point, I'm just not going to go through all the very long runs on the site...not without a purpose in mind for DC2 research), I'm not sure what sort of jerk Batman is like in this world...but the opening sequence of #22 implies to me "a big one." I've never pictured Batman as the type to really ride and deride honest and hard-working cops, so his very arrogant behavior toward Montoya was jarring to me. I won't say wrong...I have no idea if this is different (I suspect not, actually), but it was jarring.
The confrontation with Two-Face and Moroni was interesting, I liked the attack on Falcone, that was intriguing, and the concept of these three villains getting together to take over crime has potential, that the overall story didn't reach, I thought. And the bit at the end with Jack Drake...here's hoping he's some kind of undercover guy for the good guys, because I don't like the idea of Tim's dad as a criminal (much less the murderer he's being implicated to be). It will give a hard twist to Tim's character if that's the case...but right now, it doesn't sit well with me, but we'll see where it goes.
Anyway, a story with potential. And Alfred was done well. That's key to me in any Batman story. lol I'll be back to see where this takes us (since it costs me nothing but a short period of time) next issue.
Take care
Don
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Post by starlord on Sept 20, 2007 20:08:13 GMT -5
While there seemed to be an interesting story going on in here, I'm afraid it's hurt by a large number of grammatical errors and just incorrect word usage. That was sad, but it happens, and I hope it can be taken care of better in the future. The worst of the offenders was "intensive purposes"...the phrase is "...for all intents and purposes". After re-reading this I realized what disaster it was and I apologize horribly. I'm more then embarrassed.  This has shocked me, although Batman is rough and a loner and portrays a hard demeanor, it was not my intention to show him as a really mean person. It was his first meeting with Renee and of course he may ride her a bit like a drill Sargent, but I thought by the end of their conversation, it was apparent that Batman had chosen to give her the benefit of the doubt. The ironic part of this, though, is that others have told me I don't make Batman hard enough, or jerky enough. LOL! Again, I'm sorry you weren't happy with it, but to be fair, the overall story isn't done yet, this really is just another chapter in the story. Although I'll admit that I, too, felt that it came off a bit flat at times. Interesting questions... is Jack a killer or is he an undercover good guy? Or is he something else entirely. Again, it's the middle of the story, so anything is possible, all I ask is that you wait until the arc is over to reserve total judgment. And I thank you good sir for your honest feedback and the fact that you took the time to read it. I do hope you come back and that eventually this story will win you over.  |
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Post by capeandcowl on Sept 20, 2007 20:59:08 GMT -5
While there seemed to be an interesting story going on in here, I'm afraid it's hurt by a large number of grammatical errors and just incorrect word usage. That was sad, but it happens, and I hope it can be taken care of better in the future. The worst of the offenders was "intensive purposes"...the phrase is "...for all intents and purposes". This is my bad as well, and I appologize to Brian. I edited this after a 12 hour night shift at the paper, and didn't pay as much attention as I should have. My fault. No excuses. I don't know that Bats came off as a jerk at all. Rene is an unknown element to Bats at this point, and if there is one thing Batman is not a big fan off, it's change. Well I think we need to let Brian tell his story. If anything is clear about his stories that is that you never know where they are going to end up. Besides, tragdey is an essential party to Bat-hero's origin. Sorry this wasn't an issue that knocked your socks off Don, but your comments are appreciated! ;D |
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Post by arcalian on Sept 20, 2007 21:23:36 GMT -5
Jack.....what have you done?
*sigh*
Very well written of course, but....
*sigh*
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Post by starlord on Sept 21, 2007 7:11:57 GMT -5
Jack.....what have you done? *sigh* Very well written of course, but.... *sigh* wait til you get to the chapter where the Squealer gets a hold of him.  |
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Post by HoM on Sept 21, 2007 17:14:32 GMT -5
I guess I don't have the emotional investment in Jack Drake like everyone else does. I don't CARE about Mizzer D, I care about Master D; Tim is the one I'm focusing on. I like where you're going. I like that you're making Jack a bit of a questionable sort (a bit?! I think he murdered his own wife!! :X). I loved the interaction between Renee and Batman (I'm not saying that to argue with Don), and I thought that there was an initial bit of hostility, but afterwards, he helped! He found a kind of kindred spirit, someone who was as dedicated to the job as he was! I like it when we see a broader view of the DC2, and Bruce Wayne flying to the Hub was cool (I call it the Hub because... Well. You'll see) and I like the sense of compression we're getting in each episode. Some might have spread that event over twenty nine agonizing issues, but you tell the story, and you tell it well Brian. And whilst this wasn't your strongest work (NO#6, *cough*, heh) it wasn't BAD. I don't think you can really do any wrong Brian when you fly solo. But when you team with adolescents it really does bring the tone of your books down I'm liking the Tim Drake we're being presented with, and I'm suitably bamboozled by the Karen Walker mystery... Though her name does seem familiar! I want more Bullock though! I loved your #11 run and onwards, but this is a different beast! |
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Post by starlord on Sept 22, 2007 2:08:46 GMT -5
I guess I don't have the emotional investment in Jack Drake like everyone else does. I don't CARE about Mizzer D, I care about Master D; Tim is the one I'm focusing on. I like where you're going. I like that you're making Jack a bit of a questionable sort (a bit?! I think he murdered his own wife!! :X). Tim is slowly evolving and I do hope that the fact that he is a pretty good detective for his age is coming out. As for good old Jack, well time will tell. Well I'm glad you liked that segment. I'm actually glad I've been able to introduce Renee into the mythos. thank you Charlie. It's fun to be able to use different cities now and then, and "The Hub" is one of my favorites. Writing Tim makes me nervous. LOL! I don't come from the "Tim Generation", but I'm doing my best. Glad the mystery of Karen Walker has you a bit stumped. Good mysteries should do that occasinally... or even bad one's.  as for the name of Karen Walker, well I'll let you in on that name. I tend to use names of people that I grew up with, or went to school with a lot of times. True story here, Karen Walker was the first girl I ever made out with in the back of a school bus when I was eleven and on our way home from a band outing. LOL! More Bullock huh? Can't promise you anything, but I'll see what I can do. And as always, thanks for reading and for the feedback. It's always appreciated. |
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Susan Hillwig
Staff 
I'm not crazy, my mother had me tested.
Posts: 1,612
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Post by Susan Hillwig on Sept 25, 2007 12:26:57 GMT -5
I had a feeling that Jack Drake wasn't going to be as nice as his DCU counterpart, but putting him right in the False Face Gang?!? Crap in a hat! I really hope there's a good excuse behind this!  Don't take that as a negative comment, it's just the shock talking.  Loved the Two-Face stuff, as well as Black Mask's "I know you can't see it, but I'm rolling my eyes" line.  |
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Post by starlord on Sept 26, 2007 10:51:57 GMT -5
All things shall be revealed, Susan. It doesn't look good for Jack at the moment, which means it doesn't look good for Tim at all. Geez, I wonder what would happen to him, if something happened to Jack... hmmm... |
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Post by Mr Clown on Oct 8, 2007 14:55:00 GMT -5
I don't know, it just seems like your fusing Jason Todd and Tim Drake's origin right now. It's well written, but until I see where your going with this I don't know what to think of that bit.
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as for the name of Karen Walker, well I'll let you in on that name.
