House Of Mystery III: Nightmare Weavers

It was eight o’clock on the evening of the thirty-first of October, and she stood there looking at the tall rundown mansion before them. She wondered what had brought her and her friends to this strange desolate place, surrounded by thick mist on all sides, seemingly miles from anywhere, looking at a house that she remembered from her dreams.

Dumb Bunny looked at her teammates, wondering if any of them held the answers, but they were no doubt equally perplexed. There was the jester of justice known as Merryman, a look of foreboding on his face as he looked at the dark manor in front of them, and next to him floated the heroic Hindenburg that men called The Blimp. Way at the back of them, his face now matching his name, was the archer White Feather, along with the powerhouse known as Awkwardman, who was busy with preventing White Feather from running away.

“Why are we here? What’s brought us five together this night in this eerie wasteland,” mused the logic-dodging lagomorph who’d named herself Dumb Bunny. “You don’t think that this could be...” she paused to remember the name, “limbo?”

Merryman sighed. “You remember,” he replied, “your mother and father left that note about this abandoned building they’d found, saying it might make a good headquarters for us.”

Her memories stirred, she looked at the piece of paper in her hand, that read: Dear Daughter, we’ve found an abandoned building that might make a good headquarters, with all mod cons, for you and your friends. There’s a map on the back, Mom + Dad. Still, it had been an hour since she’d read it, so she could hardly be expected to remember all that.

“It l-looks sc-scary,” said White Feather, looking up at the dilapidated mansion, from between his fingers, spotting what he thought were a pair of eyes peeking out from behind a curtain. “I’m not going in!” he added.

“But I’m hungry,” groaned the bobbing figure of The Blimp. “We haven’t eaten in ages.”

Every sinew and fiber in White Feather’s body wanted to run away, but he reminded himself he was a hero. Plus, he didn’t want to risk getting lost in the mist. “O-okay, maybe we can go in, but y-you do know it’s Halloween?” he said, as Merryman climbed the steps to the mansion door.

“What? We should have dressed up in costumes?” asked a confused Dumb Bunny. “And where are we going to keep all the candy?”

As Blimp’s stomach rumbled at the mention of candy, White Feather continued, “What if it’s a trap?”

“I doubt Mom and Dad would send me into a trap,” said Dumb Bunny, frowning at him.

“O-okay, maybe it’s some kind of test.”

Dumb Bunny was about to reply, when she was interrupted by the sound of Merryman hammering his fist against the door. He didn’t know what was awaiting them within the spooky mansion, but he figured it was time they found out.

As soon as he’d knocked, too soon after he’d knocked, the door began to creak open, and they all fell silent as a wild-haired, bearded bespectacled figure emerged in front of them.

“I am Cain,” he announced, his inhuman voice a whisper but also a roar. “And you must be the Inferior Five?”

“Do you like our name?” piped up Dumb Bunny, who hadn’t yet realized how unnerving or rhetorical the strange man had intended himself to me. “Merryman thought it up. He said he wasn’t being serious, but I thought it was kinda cool. Inferior – that’s like short for infinitely superior. It’s great that Merryman can make up new words like that; a bit like that Shakespearean guy, can’t remember his...” And then she looked at the man looking at her, his annoyance writ loud like something writ loud. “Sorry,” she said, “you just carry on, Mister...”

“Cain! I am Cain! And you have no doubt gathered here tonight to view this house, discover its mysteries. Well, Inferior Five, if you want to look around, feel free. I’ve got to get going.”

“Wait, you look kind of familiar,” realized Merryman.

“D-didn’t I see you in a nightmare?” White Feather asked.

“Hey,” said Dumb Bunny, “I had a dream about him too.”

“Me too,” admitted Awkwardman and Blimp in unison.

“Yeah, I get a lot of that,” said the mysterious man, a smile crossing his lips. “Anyway, it’s Halloween and myself and my acquaintances are having a storytelling session, so I better get a move on.”

Merryman was about to say goodbye, but, before he could say it, the man had disappeared into the mist that surrounded the place.

“Guess we better go in,” said Awkwardman, going through the door, the handle coming off in his hand, and the door falling to the floor.

“May as well look around,” agreed Blimp, “although I’m not sure why Dumb Bunny’s parents recommended it. This is hardly the kind of building I’d want for our headquarters.”

“Well, it’d certainly be big enough to house our Inferiority Complex,” said Merryman, as he picked up a lit candle and brushed aside a cobweb, and then walked past a wall of pictures, failing to notice the eyes that were following him from behind one of the portraits.

“W-why don’t we just go home?” suggested White Feather, entering next since he didn’t want to be left outside on his own for even a moment. “Th-the place looks too big, we might get lost in here.”

“Relax, White Feather, this could be our home soon,” said Dumb Bunny, trying to reassure him, but scaring him even more.

“We-we’ll get lost I tell you,” warned White Feather, firing his really-long-piece-of-string arrow against the entrance so he could follow it back if need be. It was then he spotted the mouse holes in the skirting board and placed down some of his mousetrap arrows. Then he noticed that the others were leaving him behind and he rushed off after them, his quiver considerably lighter.



It was nine o’clock when they suddenly realized that they were lost somewhere in the labyrinthine corridors of the house. White Feather was the first to mention it, although he’d actually been mentioning that possibility, on and off, ever since his arrival. Looking back at the piece of string that had been trailing behind him, he noticed that it now formed a cat’s cradle behind him. It was as if the rooms themselves were moving around.

White Feather looked desperately in his quiver for some helpful arrows, but none of them were any use.

“It’s okay,” said Merryman reassuringly, “we’ll find our way out soon.” And with that he walked through the door in front of them and came out of the door behind them. “Okay,” he admitted, “this could take some time.”



It was a quarter to midnight when, after going round and round in circles for hours, they finally stumbled upon a dark cobweb-strewn room, with a large chest sitting in the middle.

“Look, a chest,” said Dumb Bunny, who prided herself on her ability to state the obvious. “Maybe we should open it?”

“Why didn’t I think of that?” said Merryman wearily, as he took the candle he’d picked up earlier, and took a closer look at the chest and the sign on it: Property of previous owners.

A second later he was opening the chest, wondering what treasures lay within, only to find that it was full of Oreos and a strange device that Dumb Bunny grabbed a hold of.

As Blimp checked the Oreos, and realized that the years had made them inedible, the others looked at the strange device.

“I-it’s got letters on it, like some kind of ouija board,” said White Feather. “W-we shouldn’t mess with it.”

“No, look at the letters,” said Merryman, “H, E, R and O; you know what that means? You know what we could do with this dial?”

“Well, we can’t phone H-O-M-E,” said Dumb Bunny, and then suddenly a light bulb went on over her head.

“Maybe you can see it better now,” said Awkwardman, the light switch coming off in his hand.

“Oh, I get it,” yelped Dumb Bunny. “Leave this to me.” And with that she moved the strange dial to the H position.

Blimp sighed, as his stomach rumbled once more. He’d been hoping that she was going to dial O-R-E-O.

Meanwhile, Merryman looked on expectantly, as the dial revolved once more. All of this time, the Inferior Five had lived in their parents’ shadows, but now they could be heroes if just for one day.

And then, to his dismay, the dial clicked on the O position.

Awkwardman looked at Dumb Bunny in shock. “H-O? Don’t say she’s going to become a...” he began.

And then the dial moved to R, and Awkwardman remembered how bad at spelling she was, but it didn’t stop there, because the dial continued moving until it had spelled out its word:

H-O-R-R-O-R

And as the dial reached the last letter, there was a flash of lightning and a gust of wind, and all of the lights went out and Amrryman’s candle was extinguished leaving them in the darkest of darknesses.

“How could you dial HORROR?” hissed Merryman in the darkness, over White Feather’s shrieks of terror.

“Well, it’s Halloween,” said Dumb Bunny. “What else would I dial? Besides,” she confessed, “I... I didn’t turn it. It... it moved itself.”

“We’re teenagers trapped in a dark spooky house on Halloween,” realized Awkwardman. “That can’t be a good thing.”

“And listen,” said The Blimp. “Listen closely.”

“But I can’t hear anything,” said Dumb Bunny.

“Exactly,” replied The Blimp. “White Feather’s stopped shrieking... That can only mean one thing...”

“I’ve found my flashlight arrow,” said White Feather, his face suddenly illuminated in the darkness.

“Aren’t you scared?” asked Merryman.

“Yeah, but I’m always scared,” said White Feather. “Nice to have company for a change.”

“Okay,” said Merryman, relighting his candle. “As long as we stick together we’ll be alright.”

“Sounds like a plan,” agreed Awkwardman, leaning back on the chest, and as he did so, there was a rumble and the chest slid back, revealing a trapdoor that Awkwardman promptly fell down.

“Hey, looks like he’s found an escape route,” yelled Dumb Bunny.

“Or it could lead to some terrible trap,” mused White Feather.

“Or food,” added The Blimp.

“Awkwardman can handle himself,” said Merryman, trying to forget all of the horror movies he’d seen where the teenagers were dispatched one by one.

“Or maybe we’re a group of teenagers trapped here, being picked off one by one,” mused White Feather.

“Yeah, like American Idol,” agreed Dumb Bunny, nodding sagely.

At which point, a large phantom head filled the room, speaking in an unearthly voice. “You will all die at midnight!” it declared, and then, following some maniacal laughter it disappeared.

White Feather looked at the blank air where the phantom had been a second earlier.

“What time is it?” asked Dumb Bunny, looking at her watch.

“11:50,” replied White Feather.

“Let’s get out of here, pronto,” yelled The Blimp, taking off and moving ever-so-slowly toward the door.

As the others hurtled past him, they ran into the corridors where the suits of armor standing there suddenly came to life.



It was midnight, the witching hour, and Awkwardman now found himself in the basement of the strange house, sitting in the library. He’d looked around for an exit, but had finally given up all hope of finding one. That’s when he rested against a shelf, accidentally knocked a book, and suddenly the bookcase was turning and he found himself in a secret passage.

He slowly made his way along the passage, as it rose ever upwards, and branching off from it he found a strange control room, filled with banks of monitors and strange controls labeled room movement, holographic phantom head and the like. After flicking a switch called ninja pumpkins, just to see if anything would happen, which it didn’t seem to, he went back to the passage and came out at a bathroom, and saw the shower standing there.

If he had been one for exposition, he might have talked aloud, mentioning that, being the son of The Mermaid, he had to regularly dowse himself in water to maintain his strength; but he wasn’t and so he headed straight for the shower. After all, what danger could befall him in a shower in an old spooky house.

It was about the time that the water hit him, that he heard the staccato music. Pulling back the shower curtain, he saw a jester standing over him with a knife.

“Great, a Merryman psycho,” he said, recognizing the figure, and just as he went to retaliate, he slipped on the soap, falling out of the shower and crushing the figure. Looking down, he realized that his friend was actually just a robot version.

Suddenly, another Merryman rushed in. “Hey, Awkwardman, there you are!” he exclaimed. You’ve got to help Dumb Bunny, she’s fighting some knights and some ninja pumpkins.”

“What about The Blimp and White Feather?”

“The Blimp’s disappeared, probably looking for food, and White Feather’s fighting this huge ghost.”

“Okay, I’m recharged,” said the dripping wet Awkwardman. “Let’s sort out these bad guys.”

And with that, he went running out of the bathroom, accidentally pushing Merryman against the wall, dislodging his glasses. But he didn’t have time to look back, because he was too busy tripping over, and then rolling towards some suits of armor, smashing them to pieces.

“Glad to see you,” said Dumb Bunny, as she ran through the corridors while some bubblegum pop played in the background. As the pumpkin ninjas attempted to hide in the shadows despite their glowing orange heads, they saw that Dumb Bunny wasn’t fooled.

“Hello, Dumb Bunny,” they said, their sword flashing before their vegetable visages.

“Bye, Pumpkins,” she said, knocking their pumpkin heads off. leaving their animatronic remains to run around like headless pumpkins.

At that moment, White Feather came running out of another room, pursued by some big angry ghost, arrows sticking out from all over it.

Awkwardman grabbed hold of the ghost and accidentally pulled off the white sheet that was covering it, dislodging the arrows as well, to reveal The Blimp, his mouth full of a huge sandwich.

Swallowing hard, The Blimp explained, “Hey, I found a room with all of these sandwich ingredients. Anyway, I just started eating one, when someone threw a white sheet over me and dragged me away. The next thing I know some maniac’s shooting arrows at me.”

“S-sorry,” said White Feather, peeking out from behind a door, “b-but that still doesn’t get us out of here.”

“You’ll never leave,” said a big Mummy with glowing eyes, that suddenly appeared lurching down the corridor towards them. As they ran away, the Mummy continued on its way, not noticing Merryman crawling out of the bathroom, trying to find his glasses on the floor.

A second later, the Mummy went stumbling over Merryman, going headfirst towards the spiral staircase beyond. As he hurtled down the stairs, passing the other young heroes, he got wound up in the cat’s cradle of string lining the way, wrapping himself up in a huge ball of yarn. Finally, dazed, at the bottom of the stairs, he somehow managed to get up, only to step on a mousetrap, and then, screaming, he started hopping about, landed on the door that Awkwardman had dislocated earlier, and was sent sliding out of the house, down the steps, and into a state of unconsciousness.

Coming around, a minute later, the Mummy opened his eyes to see that the heroes had caught up with him.

“Let’s find out who this monster is,” said Merryman, pulling at the monster’s mask, removing it to reveal a familiar face.

“It’s old man Cain, the caretaker,” announced Dumb Bunny, in case the others weren’t as quick on the uptake as herself.

“No, wait that’s just a mask as well,” said Merryman, seeing the askew face before him.

“You mean it is Mom and Dad!” said Dumb Bunny, hitting her palm against her forehead. “I should have guessed they were being villains when they didn’t use their normal handwriting for that note they left me.”

“Not Mom + Dad,” explained Merryman, “but maybe an anagram,” he finished as he pulled the mask away to reveal the mop-haired menace beneath.

“Yes, it is I, Mad Mod,” said Mad Mod. “After my failure to defeat the Teen Titans last year^*, I was determined to defeat some teen supergroup. And I would have got away with it too, if not for you meddlin’ kids.”

“Looks like we’ve won though,” laughed Dumb Bunny. “You were no match for us.”

“But I’m not defeated yet, baby,” said the Mad Mod, now livid, as a laser cut through the yarn and the Mummy outfit and he jumped to his feet. “I’ve got this fab gear I stole from STAR Labs that’ll rob you of your powers,” he said, waving a stick at them. “It’s called a meta-fetter and it’ll inhibit your genes.”

“Yeah, well I ain’t wearing any jeans, so yippie-kay-ay this, meta-fetter,” said Dumb Bunny, leaping towards the villain’s stick, but to her surprise he grabbed her, and threw her to the floor.

“There was me, happy to kill you in a fun Scooby-Doo-type way,” he said, pulling out a gun, “but now it looks like I’ll just have to shoot the five of you... Hey, wait, there’s only four of you.”

He looked at Merryman, White Feather, Awkwardman and, on the ground, Dumb Bunny, all bathed in moonlight, unlike himself, and then he looked up and saw The Blimp high above him, having finally left the house, struggling to keep in the air as the meta-fetter affected him.

Plop!

^* Shameless plug for Teen Titans #20



There was no sense of time, as the Mad Mod opened his eyes.

“What happened?” he asked, looking at the man above him.

“Blimp accident,” said Cain looking down at him. “You could be in a coma for weeks. Till then, you’re stuck in The Dreaming.”

“I remember this place,” said the Mad Mod. “I used this for my scheme.”

“Yeah, but they defeated you,” said Cain. “Still that’s what Halloween’s about; kids dressing in costumes and being scared, but coming out okay at the end of the day. It’s sort of a supernatural PR exercise; a day when the horror is just stories.”

“So, I’m stuck here with you?” said Mad Mod, looking into the eyes of Cain. “Listen, mate, hope you didn’t take offense at my pretending to be you. You know what they say – imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.”

“Don’t worry,” said Cain, leading his new guest toward his home, “I’m happy to bury the hatchet. In fact I’ll treat you like a brother. So, here’s the House of Mystery... Dare you enter it?”

A man void of fear, circus acrobat Boston Brand defied the odds even in his murder. Now, he walks the tight-rope between the world of the living and the dead with the ability to possess human bodies as The Deadman.

Alongside the man with a history unknown and connections to the magical world, The Phantom Stranger, the two bring justice to the undead.



[October 31st – Halloween]

“Smashed jack o'lantern. Pulpy orange pumpkin brains leak into the street and merge with the blood. Orange and red...all I can think of is Lorna with her barrel of candy corn. Reminds me of Halloween at the circus, only less crying children.” Boston Brand floated among the oblivious living, talking to himself as he dissected the grisly crime scene.

“Yeesh.” He said, leaning in between two detectives inspecting the deceased. “Did she really think 'sexy nurse' would be original? What a cliché costume.”

“The deceased deserve more than jokes, Mr. Brand.” A ghostly figure spoke from behind Boston.

“She deserves to rest in peace knowing her killer has been brought to justice, the jokes just help me keep my head straight.” Boston turned around to see the ever mysterious Phantom Stranger with his hands hidden in his blue cloak. “But it's nice to see you too, pal.” He said, patting his fellow messenger of the magical world on his stiff shoulder. The Stranger flipped the tail of his cloak back and began walking around the scene.

“Hmph.” The Stranger grumbled looking down at the body. “The costume is quite tacky.”

The Deadman smirked.

“So according to eyewitnesses, our killer was wandering the streets in a mask waving a knife around asking people if they 'deserved a treat.'” Boston explained. “Apparently this woman gave him the wrong, or right, answer and--” Yelling coming from across the street interrupted him. “Would'ya look at that.” He pointed to a boy being harassed by a group of children.

“Give me your candy, wuss!” One of the bullies shouted at a shaking boy in a ghost costume.

“Just do it kid, we don't want to have to hurt you.” Another said.

Just then, one them began to violently shake.

“What's going on Billy?” One said, watching the group's ringleader with fear in his eyes.

“He's...he's...possessing me!”

Once the spasm ended, the group of boys dropped their candy and bolted down the street.

“Was that necessary Boston?” The Phantom Stranger questioned.

“Nah...” Boston said watching the bullies sprint away, “but it's nights like these that I love being a ghost. I haven't freaked a kid out like that since this one time--”

“Why aren't you listening to me?” A man was yelling to the police officers but was getting no response.

“Excuse me, sir.” The Stranger addressed the man. The man twisted his body around.

“You--you've gotta help me. This is my girlfriend dead on the street. We were attacked by this man in a mask, and he slit her throat, and he tied me me up, and brought me to some warehouse, and tortured me, and then I was here, and--”

The Stranger put his hand on the man's shoulder.

“Calm down, you are among friends. You say you were being tortured and you...ended up...here?” The Stranger questioned.

“I blacked out, I don't know what happened. I just found myself here and nobody is listening to me. That is, except for you two.” A puzzled look grew on his face. “Why can't anyone else see or hear me?”

“Unfortunately, I must inform you that you no longer belong to the physical plane of existence that you are familiar with.”

“Where am I? Am I...dead?”

“Well Dorothy, you're not in Kansas anymore.” Boston chimed in.

“What are you? That isn't a mask...is it?” The man said, pointing to Boston's grotesque, pale, lifeless face.

“A wise guy, eh? I'll have you know my mother gave me this face!”

“Boston please.” The Phantom Stranger interrupted. “What is your name, sir?”

“James Sutherland. My name's James. Please, I just want to figure out what's going on. I think this guy is still out there.”

“You say that this guy was torturing you? Did you see where he took you?” Boston asked.

“I was a little woozy on the ride over, he had hit me over the head pretty hard, but yeah...yeah I think I can find the place.”



The splatter of blood was the only moisture that had set foot in the old warehouse in years. A nervous man in a white hockey mask paced back and forth, kicking up dust as it circulated around the room and back down to the cold floor. Next to him, strapped into a chair resembling those found in a dentist's operating room, was the nearly lifeless body of James Sutherland.

“See? The human body can only take so much pain! I know what I'm doing is right.” The man's hand shaking, he proceeded to smack it into James' face. “No. I need to know.” He said, wheeling over a defibrillator to the body. He punched a series of buttons and held it up to James' chest. “I need to know I'm not making a mistake!”

A jolt of electricity shot through the body.

Outside of the warehouse approached the ghostly trio of Deadman, The Phantom Stranger, and James.

“Woah, where you going buddy?” Deadman said looking at James, whose image was slowly fading.

“He's being brought back to life.” The Stranger replied. “We need to get in there and talk to this man. We may still be able to save his body.”

Boston made his way into the warehouse and towards the body of James Sutherland.

“Hey, while you're cleaning that sharp object of yours over there, you wanna tell me why you're doing this?” A voice came from the body of James. The man in the mask jerked around to confront him.

“Don't you get it? I'm relieving you. I'm giving you what you want.” The man replied.

“I don't think I want to die.”

“You think you don't, but what were you doing tonight? Pretending to be someone else. Dressing up as scary things. People are pretending to be dead.”

“What's your name?”

“Ph-Phillip.” He stammered, hands still shaking.

“Calm down Phil, we can sort out whatever you're going through. My name's Boston.”

“Boston, I'm doing you a favor. Haven't you noticed that life is just getting darker and darker? Times are rougher. The economy is dropping. I want to save people from depression.”

“You can't let words like 'recession' and 'depression' trick you Phil, life is always going to have hardships and it's always going to have a light at the end of the tunnel to treat those willing to take on those challenges. I grew up in a circus, I had to deal with having to always move and always work, but it gave me a purpose. Now that I'm through it all, I can look back and say that I accomplished something.”

A tear dripped down under Phillip's mask as he removed it and wiped his eyes.

“I can't be wrong. I took that woman's life. I felt all the complications leave her body.”

In entered The Phantom Stranger.

“You must be confused about life.” The Stranger said. “You are torturing this man to see how much pain the body can endure, but what you aren't seeing is the aftermath of what would happen if you let him go. Where he survives and is able to see family again, or where he takes pride in his time spent knowing the woman that you prematurely took from this world and can make sure her memory is never lost.”

“Trust me. I've seen what happens in death. You take the responsibilities that you have for granted. Sometimes you need the pain to keep you in check.” Boston added.

“And sometimes you need to take a lump for what you've done wrong to learn from mistakes.” Phillip muttered reluctantly.

“You know what you have to do. You have known all along. We merely helped you come to that realization.” The Stranger said in a calming voice.

Less than an hour later the scene was bathed in red and blue lights. Phillip headed into a squad car as James was carefully moved into the back of an ambulance.

“It amazes me how so many can take life for granted.” The Stranger contemplated.

“C'mon man, let's go scare some more kids. It'll cheer you up.”

“I think I am understanding this holiday of yours. You scare one another to ignite a fire before it becomes cold. It's reassurance that even though a struggle is about to come, you are still alive, and fear is just another part of life.”

“Ooh! That kid's got one of those caramel apple suckers! Would you say it's against our ghostly code for me to possess his body to eat that?”

The Phantom Stranger let out a sigh.

“Happy Halloween Boston.”

It had been weeks since he had come across any other life forms. Not that it mattered that much to him. He couldn’t stand everyone he had ever run across, anyway. Now some of the people he had actually run over seemed to have been pretty decent; or they at least appeared to be as they slid under his cycle.

His name was Lobo, and he was the best at what he did, at least in this Multiverse. He was traveling back from a place unknown, where nothing was at it should have been. And that kind of crap was fraggin’ annoying, he thought.

That was when he saw it. The blue/green planet came into view. He grinned a natural grin that made others who saw it expel fluids from their genitalia, immediately. He had always been impressed with that ability, especially when it came to his long dead folks.

He turned his machine towards the planet, hoping it had decent food, a place to crash, and something that at least resembled a woman; not necessarily in that order.



“Guy Gardner, you are needed,” the voice of the Guardian’s came to him through his ring.

“Of course I’m needed. I wouldn’t be me if I wasn’t needed. What’s the buzz?”

“We have lost contact with Green Lantern of Sector 666. Since you are the nearest to that location, we want you to look into it and report back to us.”

“Simple enough.” The green glow around his body that protected him from the hazards of space, flared for a moment as he poured on the speed. It was ridiculous that the Guardians would send him on such a frivolous mission. He was the best that they had. He was the greatest Lantern of them all. He was being ordered to check up on a newbie!

Guy grunted in exasperation. Well, perhaps after he found the lame-o and gave him a good dressing down, he’d have time to find something that resembled an Earth beer and a broad, not necessarily in that order.



The Universe’s greatest warrior landed in the middle of what seemed to be the largest city on the planet. He removed himself from his bike, placed his helmet down on top of it, and reached across into his vest pocket, pulling out an Earth cigar. Chomping down on the end, spitting out the piece he had bitten off, and then lighting it, he began his trek through the deserted streets.

He had to admit that it was a damn large city, with very few aliens living in it. In fact, he thought as he began to look around, where the hell were the little buggers?

“Hey!” He called out to the empty street, the cigar hanging out of the side of his mouth. “Anybody home? I gotta need to fill my gut.”

His voice seemed to echo of the strangely shaped buildings. “Well son of a bitch!” He said as he through his arms up in the air in frustration. “First damn piece of civilization I get to and there ain’t no civilizin’ goin’ on! Come on!” He called out again in frustration. “At least send out a pet I can kick or somethin’.”

The only response was his voice coming back to him, and the wind that seemed to have picked up. “Fine, I’ll get my own fraggin’ meal,” He mumbled to himself as he continued down the street.

He caught a whiff of something odd as he rounded a corner. It wasn’t a pleasant odor; in fact it smelled a lot like rotting flesh. The hair on the back of his back stood up. His pace slowed a bit as he continued to walk down a much narrower, but still deserted street.

“Don’t have any idea what I’m smellin’, but I sure as frag ain’t eatin’ it.”

It was at that moment that he began to hear the sound of shuffling feet. He stopped, took the cigar out of his mouth and looked around, his glowing red eyes narrowed as he looked into the deepening shadows.

When he saw the first creature shuffling out of the growing darkness, towards him, he had to admit to himself that it was one of the ugliest things he had ever seen. Its skin was pale, its flesh was torn in several areas, and its eyes had a hollowed look. It raised its arms up at him and made a guttural moan.

“Whoa, don’t know what you’ve been eatin’, but it ain’t agreein’ with you, pal.” Lobo said.

He heard more shuffling and turned to see several more figures in the same condition, making their way towards him.

Lobo looked back at the first thing in front of him. “Your family?”

The creature only let out another low moan.

“Ahh well. I might not be eatin’ any time soon, but at least I get to kick some alien ass.”

He let out a holler of his own as he charged the thing in front of him, smashing into it and pushing them both up against the wall of a building. He slammed his fist into its gut, only to feel his hand slide right into the flesh as if it were made out of jell-o.

“I knew ya were soft, but I wasn’t expectin’ that.” He sad as the thing suddenly struck him in the side of the face, tossing him back. “And I wasn’t expectin’ you to be that strong, either.”

He jumped up, grabbed the creatures arm as it swung at him again, and proceeded to swing around, pulling arm to flip the thing over his back. He was surprised for the second time when he found himself bent over, holding only the arm.

Turning back around he saw the thing open its mouth, preparing to bite him. “Whoa, fella. I ain’t that type.” He swung the arm, striking the thing and sending it stumbling back.

Lobo heard the shuffling behind him... close. He turned to find nearly four dozen of the creatures were now upon him. “Aww, frag,” he muttered as he dropped the arm and and cracked his knuckles. “Well come on then,” he said as he grinned. “Time to see why they call me Mr. Machete.”



Guy Gardner flew into the deserted city with a look of confusion on his face. “Ring, where is everyone?”

Only one living life form can be detected, the ring responded.

“Well would ya do me a favor and locate it for me.”

The ring did just that and he followed the guidance system, flying around the corner to see a mob of alien creatures, gathered together in a tight circle. Then he noted that some of them in the middle of the gathering were being tossed into the air like rag dolls.

“I thought you said there was only one person here?”

Only one life form is detectable, the ring replied.

Stopping in mid air and hovering for a moment, Guy took a good look at the creatures being tossed around. His eyes widened as he realized what he was seeing. “Well, call me George Romero, I’ll be damned!”

Very well, your new designate is ‘George Romero’, the ring said.

Ignoring the comment, Guy created a large green beam of light that ran six feet in width, as he flew into the end of the creatures, knocking through them like a hot knife through butter. He noticed that several of them were cut in half as he made his way to the center of the melee.

He was struck from the side, temporarily losing his concentration, allowing the green battering ram to disappear as he fell a few feet to the ground. Instantly the creatures were upon him.

Guy felt teeth begin to clamp down on his foot. “I don’t think so Rob,” he said as he smashed his other foot into the zombies face. He was able to get up and form another shield around himself as he punched and kicked his way through the mob of zombies. He had to reach the center, to help who ever it was that was trying to fight these things off.

It felt like hours, but in reality were only minutes as he reached the middle of the massive congregation. He whirled around, striking two more in the face, before turning back to see what could only be described as the ugliest one he had come upon so far. In fact, it grinned at him and for a moment he actually felt fear; fighting off the urge to wet himself.

He through a punch at it, hitting it square in the face.

“Feetal’s Gizz, that hurt!” The zombie cried out.

“You talk?” Gardner asked in shock.

“When I wanna. Hear, hold this.” It said as it handed him the head of a zombie and turned around, tearing off two more from the alien zombies shoulders.

“You’re not one of them,” Guy deduced as he smashed the headless corpse into one that was about to bite him.

“Do I look like one of them?” He growled.

“Well...”

“Listen, if you’re done being a wuss, start ripping their heads off or we’re going to be here all day.” Lobo grunted.

Guy’s eyes lit up. If they really were some kind of space alien zombies, then chopping off the heads was the logical way to eliminate them, and since they were already dead...

Gardner let out a whoop of joy as he brought his will to bare, creating a giant circular blade of pure green energy, and like a man mowing down weeds, he went through the crowd of zombies, eliminating head after head in quick succession.

Lobo, smoking cigar still planted firmly in his mouth, turned and watched him for a second while holding two more alien heads. “You fragin’ Lanterns; always gotta use that toy of yours.”

“Hey, I know who you are now. You’re that Lobo fella!”

“That’s one name. I prefer Scourge o’ the Cosmos, myself.”

“They say I’m almost as big of a pain in the ass as you are.” Guy said proudly as he continued to slice his way around the mob.

“Ain’t nobody as big a pain in the ass as me, punk.”

“Who you callin’ punk, you clown faced freekazoid.” Guy retorted heatedly.

Lobo slammed into two more zombies, grabbing their heads and slamming them into each other. They exploded like two over ripped melons. “Why, I oughta--”

Lobo didn’t have a chance to finish his threat as a second wave of alien zombies seemed to move in out of no where. This is like fighting the entire population of New York City, if they were turned into these things, Guy thought to himself.

“Oh yeah!” Lobo shouted happily as more moved in. “Hey, I told you guys, no biting!” He cried out as he ripped off another head. “See how you like it.” He slammed his head into one of them, gripping the flesh with his teeth and ripping it away and spitting it out. The alien continued to fight him. “Huh, guess you don’t care.” Lobo said with a shrug as he put his fingers through the alien’s eyes and tore off his head as if he was picking up a bowling ball.

Guy had reshaped his rings energy into a green crane, as it went from one to another, plucking the heads off of the creatures. As he moved through the second wave, he caught the green suit out of the corner of his eye. He turned to see the Green Lantern of the sector heading towards Lobo.

“Hey, I’ve been looking for you,” he shouted as he made his way up behind his fellow brethren. He grabbed the Lantern’s shoulder and swung him around, realizing with a sinking feeling in his stomach, that the Green Lantern of this world had also been changed.

“Ring, have you had time to analyze the situation? Do you know what happened here, or how I can stop it?”

The ring of Melron’s, this sector’s Green Lantern. You must remove it and get it out of this planets atmosphere. It is the cause.[/color]

“What?! Are you saying that the planet had some kind of ‘allergic reaction’ to the ring?”

Yes, this is what I am stating. Now hurry, they’re coming for you, George.

“Who? Never mind.” He ducked as a zombie snapped at him, then willed a pair of large pruning shears, cutting off the ring finger of the Green Lantern. It remained expressionless as Guy snatched the ring and shot off into space.

Lobo looked up in disgust. “I knew he was yella.”

When Guy got to the outer atmosphere, he tossed the ring into space where he saw it shoot off back towards Oa. He quickly headed back to the city to find all the people that hadn’t been killed, lying unconscious on the streets. They were no longer zombies in appearance. However, among the unconscious aliens were several heads and torso’s scattered about.

“Now that was a fight!” Lobo shouted with a large laugh.

Guy looked around. “So many dead,” he mumbled.

Lobo looked at him for a second. “Hey kid, it was either us or them. And look how many you saved.” He looked at the unconscious bodies around him. “You think they’re going to be all right? Or do you think I should chop off their heads anyway... just to be on the safe side.”

Guy looked at him with disgust. “No! Leave them alone. Man, you are even more demented than what I’ve heard.”

“Really?” Lobo asked as he puffed out his chest. “Thanks. Wanna go get a drink and trade war stories? I ain’t usually one for company, but then, I’ve never come across a Green Lantern that shares my taste in carnage, neither.”

”I’ll pass.” Guy said. “I have a feeling the Guardians are going to need to know what happened here. Figure out why so it doesn’t happen again.”

“Guardians? Oh yeah, those little blue guys. Let me ask you a question before you leave. Not one girlie Guardian among them... how do they have fun?” He asked as he winked.

Guy just stared at him for a second before stepping back. “Wow, I’ve actually found someone more disgusting than me.” He took off.

“Ah good riddance,” Lobo said watching him leave. He turned and looked at the unconscious aliens. “Okay, nap time is over folks. Somebody needs to wake up and make me something to eat.”



Guy Gardner was barely out of the atmosphere when the call came in from the Guardians. “You are needed on OA, Guy Gardner.”[/color]

His preferred designation now is George Romero, the ring replied to the Guardian.

“Aww, shut up,” Guy mumbled as he disappeared among the stars.