Elements #1

There’s an astronomical observatory, in a remote part of the Sahara desert, so secret that few had ever heard of it, and even those who knew about it would never dare refer to it by name, were it to have one.

The building could not be easily reached, and that, along with the fact that its location was secret, meant that, over the last year, it had never had any visitors to interrupt the work of its many staff.

Today, though, was an exception, with a hush filling the large room, as a tall man with dark hair and a beard made his entrance, accompanied by his many assistants, all wearing matching suits.

Their footsteps echoed in the silence as he made his way straight to the scientist in charge.

“How’s the project going?” he asked, staring straight through the man. “I hope everything’s running to plan.”

The scientist gulped and, knowing that his employer was not a man to be kept waiting, attempted to answer. “We’ve got computer models for possible trajectories, sir, but we’re running across too many unknowns. It’s been millennia since the comet landed, and the records from the time only give a snapshot of what could be seen back then, always assuming that they’ve not been mistranslated.”

“There are no mistranslations,” his employer said, beginning to lose patience. “Science is finally at the stage where it can give me the answers I’ve been looking for, and I hired you to get those answers. Now, get them for me by the end of the month, or I’ll... I’ll...” Then he fell silent, and his finger beckoned the scientist closer. As the scientist moved closer, he put his arm around his shoulder. “Listen,” he said, lowering his voice in a conspiratorial manner, “I realize you’re doing your best, and I realize threatening your life isn’t exactly conducive to employer/employee relations... but I’m going to do it anyway. By the end of this month, I want either the project or your life over with. Understood?”

As the head scientist, his face white, sat down shaking, his employer turned to the others in the room watching him.

“Hello, everybody. As with everything else here, my identity much remain top secret, but you can call me Anton. Just wanted to say a big thanks for all your hard work. Expect a bonus at the end of the month.”

And with that, Anton set out on a meet and greet of all the other scientists, while one of his many assistants pulled up a chair next to the head scientist.

“Don’t let the boss upset you,” she said, giving the man a smile he didn’t return. “Me and my team didn’t get on well with him at first, let him down a few times as well, but he’s okay when you get to know him. Now, we’re one big happy family.”

The scientist looked at the young woman and finally forced a smile. “Bark’s worse than his bite.”

“No, his bite’s pretty awful. Still, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” She looked at the scientist, and, judging by the look on his face, she realized it might have been better just to agree. “Anyway,” she added, “we’ll be out of your hair in a while. We’ve got a meeting in Las Vegas with the SOG.”

“SOG?”

“Son of God,” the assistant explained and, before the scientist could reply, she found herself being called over by her boss. “Bye. Gotta go,” she said, and rushed over to Anton’s side.

“How’s our girl Urania doing?” he asked.

“She found them, sir. Her last words were ’Damaged flesh’, and then communications cut out. The Jaguar’s going thermonuclear if she’s not heard back from her within the hour.”

“Maybe she’s dead,” another one of the assistants said. “That’s what probability would suggest.”

“No,” Anton said, stroking his beard. “I know how these people work. They’ll want to know what she knows first.”

“And what does she know?”

“She knows nothing.”



It had been a full minute since she’d woken up, bound to a chair. In the olden days she’d have struggled, tried to escape, but now she stayed still, checking her body a piece at a time, assessing the damage. Surprisingly there wasn’t any - at least not yet - although her leg felt numb - probably from a tranquiliser dart; not the first time, probably not the last.

She had yet to open her eyes; there was no point - even without opening them, she could tell it was pitch black. And so she just sat there, waiting for the I.R.S. to arrive. I.R.S. – that’s what they liked to call themselves these days. It stood for Information Retrieval Specialists, but she still called them torturers.

That was the problem with torturers, they liked to keep you waiting. She wasn’t sure whether the guy was tardy or just wanted to instill fear, but she was getting bored. Still, it gave her time to think, to work on her ropes, to curse herself for getting captured, and to wonder if they’d found her high-tech partner yet, who’d actually be worth far more to them than anything she had to tell them.

As time continued to drag on, she wondered what he’d be like – it was bound to be a man, women could earn far more elsewhere. Would he be one of those quiet ones who you wish would speak or one of those running-commentary guys who you wish would shut up? Undoubtedly a loner, which was a shame, because they’d have great stories to tell. She wondered if his tools would be sharp or blunt. Maybe there’d be fire, maybe ice, maybe both. It didn’t really matter to her - there were far worse things than torture; she’d learned that long ago.

Finally, she heard the door knob turning, so she opened her eyes and saw her interrogator enter.

“Hi, I’m Urania,” she said, since torturers were people too; albeit ones best avoided.

He didn’t reply - obviously the silent type - and switched on a bright light above them. She could see he was young, with a designer suit and a briefcase. He looked Scandinavian - torturers tended to be foreign these days; she blamed Hollywood.

He placed his briefcase down, staring toward her. She strained against her ropes, but they were still fastened tight. She moved to Plan B and looked at him as alluringly as she could. He just ignored her womanly wiles and opened his briefcase, then pulled out a tape recorder.

“No point getting that out,” she told him helpfully. “There’s no way I’ll tell you anything.” She realized that it wasn’t to record her when he pressed the play button and music started.

Great, either he’d seen Reservoir Dogs one too many times or he was going to torture her with karaoke. And then the music was drowned out by her screaming. He was suddenly inside her head, inside her mind. He was a meta, a telepath. She suddenly found herself back in her past, in different places and times. He was running through her brain, ripping through her memories, some good days, mostly bad days, unlocking boxes that should have stayed locked, unearthing memories that should have stayed buried, sublimated. She was walking through an empty house, stuck in an old familiar room she thought she’d left so long ago. She knew what was about to happen and she kept screaming at her younger self to warn her but it was no use... and then it happened and she remembered there were far worse things than torture... and then she was screaming but there was only emptiness. The telepath took a moment to rest and she heard his music - Abba’s Knowing Me Knowing You - and she heard her voice talking over it, “I... have... to... go.”

Her torturer smiled, thinking she was stuck in a memory, talking along with his song, and for a moment she thought she was as well, but then she realized who she was talking to, and he read her thoughts and realized it too. His smile dissolved as he looked in her mind, saw what was in store for him and, as a sudden rumbling filled the corridors, he knew it was too late, because she had heard her mistress’s voice and she was coming to rescue her.

Suddenly, the wall next to him caved in; a silver car smashed through it and rammed into him, suddenly braking.

Urania, tears in her eyes, looked at her car as one of its headlights fired out a laser beam, cutting through her ropes. She looked down at the helpless man lying on the floor and gave KAT one more order:

“Hurt him.”



“Pull his arms and legs off and feed them to my dog,” Sapphire Stagg screamed, noticing the wrong shade of pink had been used on her wedding invitations. “That man’s ruined everything.”

“Now, now, dearest,” said her father, Simon Stagg, multi-trillionaire and then some, “we can redo them.”

“But there’s only two days to go,” she explained at the top of her voice.

Simon Stagg smiled and nodded patiently. He knew there were two days to the wedding. All his staff knew. Most of all, his accountant knew and had advised Simon that acquiring either LexCorp or Wayne Industries would be far cheaper. “Don’t worry, dear. I’ll have Java handle it.”

Sapphire looked at him stunned. “I wasn’t serious about the arms and legs thing.”

“I know,” he said, smiling at the most precious thing to him, and he had lots of precious things. “Now try and relax, dear,” he added, before turning to go back to his money-making.

“How can I relax,” she shouted after him, “when it’s only two da-”. Suddenly she stopped as she felt a cool breeze waft over her, and then around her, and she knew who it was. “Rex,” she said softly, as her blonde tresses were blown around, and the smell of her own perfume filled the air, and then she breathed in deeply, inhaling him, along with her own perfume (specially made, at exorbiotant cost, to have the same actual scent as Sapphire, although even more so). A small part of his pure oxygen passed from her lungs to her bloodstream and finally found its way unerringly to her heart, just as the rest of Rex had done years earlier, while the rest of him she just exhaled, sighing, leaving his gaseous form to gather over her, slowly becoming visible, and then his lips became solid as they met hers.

“Relax, honey,” he said tenderly. “Nobody’s stopping this wedding. Not this time.”



It was a rainy day in Las Vegas and a teenager called Yu was walking along the sidewalk, the puddles avoiding his feet, the rain missing his frame. While others walking the streets were at the mercy of the elements, for Yu things were quite the reverse. He was the former Teen Titan known as Element and the wind and rain were his to command.

He turned his shaved head away from the bright lights that surrounded him, and upwards towards the dark cloud-filled sky. Was he affecting the weather, and was the troubled sky just a reflection of how he felt inside? A year ago he’d been happy, but all of that had ended the day he’d left the Titans. First of all, his best friend and fellow Titan Woodchucker, trying to convince him to stay, had been turned to gold by the villainess Shimmer.^*

He’d tried to track her down, so she could change his friend back, but, after months of searching, he’d had to given up, and instead set off on the search that had first brought him to America: the search for his master. He’d hoped that his master, as he had done earlier, would teach him how to use his powers further, maybe enable him to convert his friend back to flesh and blood, but this search was proving equally fruitless. He’d relied on the elements to guide him, but they’d let him down. He allowed the elements to have their way, rain falling onto his face, cold wind blowing against him. It had been months, but here he was, older but wider, and no closer to finding his master, or finding a cure for Woodchucker or discovering his heritage.

Normally at this point the elements would give him a sign, but clearly their abilities had dissolved as his belief in them had waned. Suddenly, a gust of wind blew a torn sheet of newspaper across the road and against his leg. He tried to kick it off, but it kept getting blown back on, so finally he grabbed it off and saw the headline - “Element” - with a picture of a freakish bald man beneath it.

He opened it up to read the full headline.


Teen Titans #20



“Element Man To Wed Sapphire” was the newspaper headline Urania Blackwell was reading in a desperate attempt to avoid her car’s questioning.

“That Rex Mason guy used to be a looker,” she said to her car, changing the conversation once again, as KAT - for that was her car’s name - screeched down a narrow alleyway horizontally, her tires tilted at a 90 degree angle, “but what does Sapphire see in him now? With her looks and money, she could have had anyone.”

KAT was silent for a moment as the wall rushed by over Urania’s head, and then, as the car emerged from the alley, and dropped back down, all of her tires once again hugging the ground, she replied, “That’s all fine and dandy, but I asked how you were feeling... for the third time... and please don’t use humor to try avoid answering the question again because, frankly, you’re not that funny.”

“Well, if you must know, I’m all fine and dandy too... not to mention cool and groovy and hunky and dory,” Urania said, using her best spy training to fake a smile. If it wasn’t a meta trying to get into her head, it was her car; technology had a lot to answer for. “Anyway, there are still five motorcyclists and one helicopter chasing us,” she pointed out, motioning with her thumb back to the remaining vehicles attempting to prevent their escape. “Shouldn’t you be more worried about them?”

“I’m more worried about you,” the car said. “Besides they’re not our main problem.”

“Really? They certainly look like our main problem.” With that, Urania stood up, turned and threw a pair of daggers towards her pursuers “Anyway, down to two bikers now,” she said matter-of-factly, as she watched her latest two victims crash to the ground.

“Zero, actually,” replied the car, as a massive fireball came out of her exhaust, flambéing the remaining motorcyclists.

“Show-off,” remarked Urania with a grin, now genuinely beginning to have fun. “So, that just leaves the helicopter,” she added, looking up into the sky at the spinning rotor blades which both drowned out her words and threatened to ruin her hairstyle. Suddenly she saw the car’s roof begin to close and had to sit back down to avoid being sliced in two by it.

“There was no need for this,” Urania said, tapping on the roof. “After all, it’s only a helicopter.”

“It’s for protection.”

“I don’t need protection,” she explained.

“It’s not for you,” explained KAT. “It’s for the people outside. We’ve got a bomb on board.”

“How long have we had that on board?” she yelled.

“Well, not for much longer if the readout’s to be believed.”

“But you’re state of the art. How could they plant a bomb on you?”

“I was acting dumb,” KAT said. “If they knew what I really was, they’d have captured me and taken me apart, and I didn’t have anyone to come and rescue me at the last minute.”

“I had it all under control,” Urania said. “Really I did. So, where’s this bomb?”

“Are you going to tell me how you’re really feeling?” KAT asked, as the clock on her dashboard suddenly became audible.

“I can’t believe this,” Urania said, attempting to open her door and discovering it was locked. “You’re going to risk my life so that you can waste time psychoanalyzing me.”

“Looks that way,” KAT said, as she made her clock’s ticking go louder, “but you better hurry. We’ve not got much time.”

Meanwhile, high above, in the helicopter, a man with a beard and a heavy foreign accent looked at his watch, and gave the signal to the pilot to climb higher.

“Twenty seconds to go,” he announced, with a chuckle. “And then Ms. Blackwell goes...”

Suddenly, they saw a panel open in the top of the car, and something exploding upwards towards them from it.

“It looks like she’s made her escape,” said the pilot, looking at the ejector seat fly up past them. “But not for long,” added the pilot, as his finger moved towards the helicopter’s gun controls.

Seconds later, as the parachute opened and the ejector seat started to come down, the helicopter soared towards it, guns blazing, and that was when they realized:

“It’s not her strapped into that seat is it?” said the pilot.

“No, it’s the bom-” replied the man, when his sentence was cut short by an explosion.

Down below, as the sky lit up behind her, Urania put her feet up on the dashboard. “Happy now you’ve made me relive my torture?”

“Just checking you were okay,” KAT said. “That’s what I’m here for.”

“And am I okay?” Urania asked, not wanting to know the answer.

“You’re a spy; you sneak around killing people and spend all your time looking for the next adrenaline rush - of course you’re not okay. Plus, you’re human, so that’s a big stumbling block. Maybe if you had tires...”

“Using humor to avoid answering?” Urania asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Hey, at least I’m funny. Speaking of funny, want to know your next mission?”

“Yeah, why not,” Urania said with a sigh, and looked down at the dashboard and the printout appearing from it.

“Well, well,” she said, looking at the printout, then across at the newspaper. “Talk about a small world.”



Java, who’d been forced by circumstances to give up his caveman job and become Simon Stagg’s private henchman, had many tasks he disliked, and this was just the latest of them, Oh, for the old days, when he’d enjoyed his work - how he wished for the chance to once again smash Rex Mason over the head and leave him for dead, but those times were long gone. As he looked down at the picture of Metamorpho and beautiful, beautiful Sapphire on the wedding invitation, he found himself unable to refrain from tearing it in two and scrunching up the Metamorpho half between his stubby fingers. As he threw that half to the ground, he noticed that it, along with the pile of other invitations on the counter, and the picture of Sapphire that he was now placing in his inside pocket, next to his heart, were just the right shade of pink.

He then looked over at the proprietor of the print shop, who was sat against the far wall, trembling. Yet, despite the printer’s obvious discomfort, the man was still alive with all of his limbs - Java prided himself on this; he was certainly becoming a master of tact and diplomacy in his old age.

Suddenly, his musing was interrupted by the sound of his “Hooked on a Feeling” ringtone. Before the song had a chance to descend from the dizzying heights of its caveman-chanting introduction, Java grabbed hold of his outsize cell phone and answered it:

“You rang?... Yes, master. I’ll be back right away.”

Telling the proprietor to have a nice day, and picking up the invitations, Java exited the store and looked at the outside world. As usual, he shook his head in disgust. It was like he was telling his old friend Vandal the other day, after all the millennia that had passed, you’d have thought there would have been some progress, but no; all of the soft grass that had been beneath their feet had become concrete, forcing him to wear uncomfortable footwear that they didn’t even make in his size; all of that fresh air he’d once breathed, that before was the home to pterodactyls, was now the home to smog; and all of these humans that walked around were no longer hunched over wearing glamorous furs, but instead stood up straight in their uncomfortable clothing, unashamed of their receding brows, spouting far too many words were a few grunts would more than suffice.

Still, he thought, as he took out, and gazed upon, the picture of Sapphire, he was willing to forgive progress everything, for, throughout all of those millennia, evolution was no doubt beavering away furiously in a backroom, putting everything else aside, while it worked on honing the perfection of the female form, and then spent time gilding it, as it created the loveliness that was Sapphire Stagg.

He climbed into his oversize car, and set off towards the Stagg mansion, whistling as he went. The whistling might have been out of tune - only Java could say for certain since he was the only one who remembered the prehistoric ditty in question - but he continued it for the rest of the journey home, and long thereafter as his master Simon Stagg made him drag in numerous items to the Stagg residence ready for that cursed upcoming day.

One of those items was a huge lump of ice, that would, two days hence, be sculpted into an image of his love, Sapphire. Java wished that the ice he’d slept in for a million years could have looked so lovely, and was almost tempted to burrow himself a hole in the ice so he could go to sleep there and then and miss the events of two days hence when his beloved Sapphire would make the biggest mistake of her life; one from which his heart would never recover.

“Hi, Java,” Metamorpho said, suddenly appearing before him, and finally curtailing Java’s whistling. “You haven’t forgotten what night it is, have you?”

“Oh no, I’ve not forgotten,” Java said, his fingers digging into the ice, as he struggled to appear cordial to the Element Man. “I’ll be there.”

And he would be there, for tonight would be his last chance to be rid of Rex Mason forever.



As soon as Yu had seen that picture of Rex Mason and the accompanying headline starting with the word ‘Element’, he’d realized that fate had finally stepped in and offered him a sign. Ever since then, the hero known as Element had been holed up in the nearest Las Vegas library, researching the hero known as Metamorpho.

He’d sat there, heavy in concentration, oblivious to all around him, consulting the digital font of knowledge known as the internet. While there had been page after page, and picture after picture, relating to Sapphire Stagg, the beautiful heiress whom Rex Mason was shortly due to marry, the pages on Metamorpho himself had been slightly shorter in supply. Still, amongst the numerous variations of events Yu had encountered there, he’d manage to sift out some basic truths:

Rex Mason had apparently been the Indiana Jones of his day, until that fateful occasion when the business tycoon Simon Stagg had hired him to retrieve a rare Egyptian artifact. The search for that artifact had led Rex to an Egyptian pyramid, where he’d ended up being exposed to a radioactive meteorite called the Orb of Ra which had somehow transformed him into Metamorpho, the Element Man, with the ability to shapeshift and change himself into any element found in the human body.

As Yu saw it, that strange meteorite had bestowed powers of alchemy upon Rex Mason, and alchemy was just what Yu needed if he was ever to change his friend Adam back from gold to flesh. Unfortunately, there were no details of the exact location of the pyramid, and, apart from some wild conspiracy theories about people being horribly mutated in attempts to repeat Rex’s transformation, little information about the pyramid itself.

Knowing that there was only one place he could go for answers, Yu stood up, walking away from the computer he’d been sitting at and across to the library window. As the metal of the window locks fell away at his bidding, he opened the window, stepped out onto the ledge, and looked out, pleased to see that, during his time in the library, the rain had finally abated.

Below him, a crowd started to gather, with people screaming at him, telling him not to jump. Meanwhile, a wind started to gather, getting stronger and stronger, and, inside the library, books started to fly around.

Element looked back in through the window, frowned, and concentrated, closing his eyes, and slowly the wind became more organized, returning the books to their dewey-decimal ordering on the shelves. As he heard the last book slip into place, he stepped out into thin air, and heard the crowd below him giving out a collective gasp. Ignoring the noise, he continued to fall, faster and faster, as the wind grew stronger and stronger, but then the wind formed into a tornado that carried him into the air, and away from Vegas.

As time passed, and the sky turned dark, he continued to be carried away by the wind, which calmed down over time, buffeting him less and less, as he concentrated more and more. As he sailed through the darkness, his meditation grew deeper, and he closed his eyes, his path now settled on. At this moment in time, with his course of action clear, it now seemed that he was once again at peace - a peace he’d not known in some time - but, still, there was something disturbing it... a noise... growing louder. It sounded like an aircraft. The sound grew louder then deafening, and he opened his eyes to see himself staring straight into the eyes of a surprised pilot who was staring right back.

Acting on instinct, Yu caused the wind to once again build up around him, once more forming a tornado, soaring him up higher out of the plane’s flight path, but then he looked down, to see the airplane shaking in the turbulence of the winds he’d just created.

Now was not a time to panic, so Element hovered in mid air, in the eye of this storm he’d created, as the wind once again came under his command and the airplane was grabbed, as if by an invisible hand, and then set back on its course.

Element cursed himself for the way he’d used his power, and the danger he’d put that plane’s passengers in. He turned away from the plane and left once again, heading off to find Rex Mason.

Of course, if Yu had kept his eyes open previously, he might have noticed that Rex Mason was aboard that airplane, on his way to Vegas. Still, this wouldn’t be the last time tonight that their paths would cross.



Urania Blackwell stepped out of KAT, and looked around the darkened car park. Apart from her and her car it seemed pretty much deserted, but that probably meant he was already here. Looking at her orders, she addressed the shadows, “I know you’re here, so you can stop hiding.” She paused for a second waiting to see if her bluff had worked, and then, when nothing happened, she continued, “Anyway, about my next mission: how come there’s no mention of the Element Man, Metamorpho? Won’t he be helping guard it?”

“He’s left for Vegas,” came the reply from directly behind her; she whirled around to find her mysterious boss standing there. “Should be gone all night.”

“What? He’s getting cold feet already?”

“Bachelor party,” replied her boss, a man she knew only by the name Anton. “At worst, that leaves just the caveman for you to worry about.”

“The caveman?”

“His name’s Java. He’s hardly on Rex’s favorites list, and vice-versa, so I’d be surprised if he’s been asked along.”

“You actually think I can’t handle a so-called caveman?”

“Hate to correct you, Rainie,” he replied, in a voice that suggested he loved nothing more than correcting people, “but actually he’s a real caveman - he just didn’t pay attention when they told him there was an ice age approaching - and, yes, I know you can handle him. I was just being thorough. Now, tell me about your trip to Cadmus.”

“Same as the other buildings I broke into,” Urania replied. “Rooms and room of volunteers, their flesh mutated and transformed by that Egyptian meteor you’re so interested in.”

“I heard they captured you. You okay?” he asked, looking straight into her eyes.

“Yeah, it was nothing,” she said. turning her head away from his, looking down at the ground. “Just wish people would stop asking.”

There was no answer and she looked up to see that he was no longer there.

“For crying out loud, how does he do that?” KAT asked. “One minute he was here, the next he’s gone; just disappeared off my sensors.”

“Do you trust him?” Urania asked, looking down at her best friend.

“Don’t ask me,” replied KAT, using her suspension to simulate a shrug. “His money created me, so I’m kind of biased. Plus, you really shouldn’t listen to me; after all, I’m just a talking car.”

“You’re my talking car,” Urania replied, walking over to her. “Besides, if you can hear my voice over 100 miles away, I’m sure you’d be able to tell if he was lying from his heartbeat.”

“Anton doesn’t have a heart,” KAT said. “Anyway, are we going to stay here chatting or get on with your mission and pick up this Orb of Ra trinket? Maybe we can watch a DVD afterwards, although I guess Mamma Mia’s out of the question.”

“Thanks for the offer, but, after last time, I want to do this one alone.”

KAT paused, her engine humming, giving her mistress time to reconsider, but then her advanced logic told her that clearly wasn’t going to happen. “Okay, well if you get tired of proving yourself, just holler,” KAT reminded her. “So, are you just going straight in, guns a-blazing?”

“Nah, I think with Simon Stagg’s multi-million-dollar security system something a little more subtle’s called for. Time to go shopping, methinks.”

“Shoes? Hat? Bazooka?” KAT asked, listing the obvious options.

“No, I’ve done those to death. I was thinking more of a wedding dress.”



“What sort of best man are you, choosing this place for my bachelor party?” asked Rex Mason in disbelief, as he sat down with a beer in his hand, his old friend Snapper Carr opposite him.

“Well, it sounded like a great place when I read about it - The Red Diamond Men’s Club,” Snapper said, clicking his fingers enthusiastically in an attempt to bring life to the place. “Guess that must have been an old magazine. The place has really gone downhill,” he admitted, looking around at the flea-bitten bar they were in.

“And you say these two are Outsiders?” Rex said, gesturing towards the superheroes Snapper had invited. “I don’t remember them. Is that Elongated Man?”

“No, Plastic Man,” Snapper said, with a click of his fingers. “Truth to tell, I don’t know them either. I was hoping my girlfriend Bethany could come along tonight, but she’s gone and got herself a new job, so I figured, since the New Outsiders helped us out that time^*, I’d pop over to their HQ and maybe ask Green Arrow to join us. Anyway, there was no Green Arrow, no HQ come to that, so I phoned him up on the number he’d given me, back when I was working for him, and he put me in touch with Black Canary.”

“Now, Black Canary I remember,” Metamorpho said. “How’s she doing?”

“Not too good. Her mother died, and then there’s what’s happened to Batwoman recently.^**”

“Batwoman? Who’s that? Batgirl’s mother?” Rex asked.

“No, it’s what Batgirl calls herself these days, when she’s talking” Snapper said. “Seems like everything’s changed since we last saw them. Anyway she put me in touch with these guys. Rex, meet Elongat-, I mean Plastic Man, the token male member of the New Outsiders - oh, and her,” he said, pointing to the imposing figure at the bar, who was busy arm-wrestling with Rex’s caveman friend. “As soon as Ms. Tattoos and Tourettes over there heard where we were heading, she insisted on coming along, and I wasn’t about to argue with her. Anyway, how come the only friend you bring along’s that knuckle-dragger over there?”

Across the room Java heard Snapper’s comment, and grunted, as he continued to arm wrestle with Grace.

“Well, all of my old friends are a bit wary; especially since my last bachelor party when those goons from Cadmus kidnapped me. Goodness knows how they managed to get past Stagg’s security.”

Java grinned to himself, and then looked over at Grace with her tribal markings, and remembered the strapping girls of his youth. Ah, the good old days when you’d pick a girl up after you’d clubbed her over the head; these days all the romance had gone. Suddenly he was distracted from his thoughts as he heard Rex talking about him.

“We might never get on, but at least he was there for Saph when I was being held in Cadmus.” Rex smiled, and raised his glass towards Snapper. “If not for you, I’d still be stuck there, rather than about to finally marry Sapphire. This time nothin’ll stop me.”

Snapper clicked his fingers in affirmation. “These aren’t our only friends here tonight,” he said reassuringly. “There’s someone else coming along.”

At which point, the door opened and a red-and-yellow android walked in, wearing a tuxedo.

“Red Tornado,” Rex Mason yelled, pleased to finally recognize someone. “So, Snapper, is this the friend you were talking about?” he asked, as Red Tornado took a seat next to him.

“What? Do I look like I’d have an android as a friend? No, the moment I found out what this joint was like I hired some entertainment, if you know what I mean.” He clicked his fingers. “And wait until you see the costume I asked for.”

Just as he finished his sentence, a woman in a Huntress outfit pushed through the doors, and banged her fist against the jukebox. Suddenly, the machine sprang into life, and the song “Maneater” started to blare out, as she started to stride over to Rex and Snapper’s table.

“Place has certainly improved since I was here last,” she said, as she walked over to where Plastic Man was and pushed his eyes back into his head.

Meanwhile, Snapper looked her up and down, inspecting the goods. “Well, I asked for the Batgirl costume, but, what the hey.”

Suddenly Snapper found all of the Outsiders’ eyes, including the Red Tornado’s glaring ones, turned towards him accusingly. “Hey, I know Batwoman’s in some state of catatonia,” he said, “but the costume’s still hot.”

Snapper then turned his full concentration back to the woman, now standing in front of him. She smiled, and lowered herself onto his lap, straddling him, and looked directly into his eyes.

“What, can I say?” Snapper said. “Chicks love the Carr.”

And then she leaned over, her body brushing against his, and whispered two words in his ear: “Big mistake.”

Suddenly all the blood rushed from his face as realization dawned and he saw where she was aiming her crossbow. “You’re her... you’re The Huntress.”

“Uh-huh,” The Huntress said, nodding, and then she got back up to her feet, and, much to Snapper’s relief, turned her attention to Red Tornado. “Black Canary needs you and Plas pronto.”

“But, it’s our new best friend Rex’s bachelor part-” Plas began, but then saw the look in Huntress’s eyes. “We’ll be right over. Stat. “

As Red Tornado and Plas zoomed out of the door in a blur of red and yellow, Huntress looked over at Snapper. “As for you, I’ll deal with you after...”

“After what?” he asked, fear in his voice.

“After we get Batwoman back and I’ve told her about that costume thing. Doubt you’ll be able to snap your fingers again in a long while.”

And with that, Huntress made her exit, silencing the jukebox with a blow on the way out.

“So, just the four of us,” Rex said, looking at the still-shaking Snapper, and over towards Java and Grace, drenched in sweat as they continued their struggle.

“What, uh, yeah,” Snapper said, downing his drink awfully quickly. “Look, I better be going, Rex,” he added, worry written all over his face. “Leave town. Create a new identity.”

Rex laughed. “But, Snap, you’re my best man.”

“It’ll never happen, Rex. Something’s bound to come up. It always does.”

“Not this time,” Rex said, grabbing hold of his arm. “This time it’s right. I know it is.”

Snapper looked at him for a moment, and then saw a figure in a Batwoman outfit coming through the door. “I don’t believe it. Not her,” he gasped.

“But I thought you said she was catatonic,” Rex said.

“That was minutes ago. Think about it, Rex, heroes come back from the dead all the time; if they can shrug off death, catatonia’s hardly going to be a problem,” he explained. “She’ll kill me.” As the blood rushed from his face, he hurriedly reassured his friend, “You’ll find another best man, Rex,” and then he rushed through the crowd towards the back entrance.

“Sheesh, some bachelor party this has turned out to be,” Rex said, looking over at the figure in the Batwoman costume; it didn’t even look like her. Now his best man had fled, Rex decided it was time to call it a night. “Come on, Java,” he shouted over to the caveman. “It’s time to head back. I’m sure my future father-in-law won’t mind us using his private jet. Hopefully there’ll be no turbulence this time.”

“But... But...” Java said, looking at his watch, and, in that moment of distraction, Grace slammed his hand down on the counter. As Java just stood there, oblivious to Grace, as he continued to look at his watch, Rex decided to leave without him. He became vapor, so that the newly-arrived Batwoman just walked through him, and then becoming solid, he continued on his way outside. Java saw his chance of ridding himself of Rex disappearing, along with Rex himself, and ran after his enemy, to try and persuade him to give the bachelor party another try, but it would be to no avail.

Meanwhile, Grace, nursing her aching hand, looked at the confused girl in the Batwoman costume standing in the middle of the bar.

“Hi, name’s Bethany. First night on the job and it looks like I missed the party.”

“Don’t worry, sweet cheeks,” Grace said, moving from the bar to a chair, and making herself comfortable. “I’ll pick up the bill.”

And then, just as the party was about to get restarted, there was the sound of a helicopter overhead, and suddenly a host of uninvited guests came smashing through the ceiling, wielding guns and knives.

“Where’s Rex Mason?” one of the men shouted. “Tell him Cadmus have arrived.”

“Don’t worry yourself none,” Grace said, as she stepped in front of the girl in the Batwoman costume. “I can handle this.”

Grace smiled to herself as she started to take care of the new arrivals.

“Sex and $%/*ing violence. I love being an Outsider.”


^* New Outsiders #19
^** New Outsiders #50



High in the night sky, Element was still being carried along by the air around him, but, as time wore relentlessly on, he started to feel cold and hungry and, because it wasn’t the smoothest of rides, travel sick. Also, as fewer and fewer familiar landmarks came into view, he couldn’t help but get the feeling that he was lost. Maybe he should have spent less time researching Rex Mason on the internet and more time on googleEarth planning his route. And so, just as had happened on his arrival in this country a few years ago, Yu once again began to feel lost in the vast expanse of America, started to doubt his mission. Maybe that newspaper had just been a newspaper rather than a sign.

But then, suddenly, all doubts were washed away and his faith restored as a jet zoomed past him, in the same direction as he was going, with the words Stagg Industries written on its side, and so the hero called Element continued on his quest.



Yu wasn’t the only one feeling the cold and stuck in the air that night. Down below, the spy known as Urania Blackwell (although, to tell the truth, being a spy, she went by many names) was standing patiently, secured to the top of a giant structure, waiting for somebody to come along and notice her. As time passed, and the air grew colder, she was also doubting her mission and began to wonder whether this was her worst plan ever. Just when she was about to give up all hope - well, in fact a few seconds afterwards - she finally saw two strangers approaching: the caveman and Metamorpho.

Metamorpho? Wasn’t he supposed to be out of town?[/i] She smiled - that would certainly make this dull mission of hers a bit more interesting.



As Metamorpho and Java approached the Stagg Estate, the Element Man couldn’t help but be relieved that their journey back was finally over. While the flight back had exhibited none of the turbulence of the flight there, it had been more than made up for by Java’s attitude. He and the caveman had never got along, but, ever since he’d been dragged away from the bachelor party, Java had been acting even grumpier, surlier and less cordial than usual. Personally, compared to his last disastrous bachelor party, Rex had considered tonight’s attempt a minor triumph.

It looked like Java would get even grumpier, when they came across a giant item blocking their way into the mansion.

“Need any help with that?” Rex asked, but, as he’d expected, Java just scowled at him, and so, happy to be away from the caveman, Rex said his farewells, turned into a gaseous form, and disappeared inside the mansion.

Meanwhile, Java, glad at least that Rex wasn’t around him anymore, looked at the gigantic white wedding cake that stood before him, with its lifesize figures of the bride and groom. Java deactivated the security and started to push the giant cake inside, shaking his head dismissively at its size. A bit on the small side for Sapphire, and the icing should really be pink; she’d no doubt want it sending back in the morning. As these thoughts entered his head, he also wondered if maybe, just maybe, he could take out his frustation on that life-size Metamorpho figure standing atop the cake. It wouldn’t be as much fun as hitting the real Rex obviously, but at least it wouldn’t turn into a gas when his fists went flying towards it. And then he chided himself; what was he thinking? How could he be standing there looking at Metamorpho, when he should really be looking at Sapphire? Then again, as his eyes wandered to the bride figure, he realized that his love’s beautiful countenance was beyond capture; sure the figure was blonde like Sapphire, but they hadn’t quite caught her likeness. Still, there was something about her, he thought, and then he realized what it was: she was alive.

As his brain struggled to comprehend why Sapphire would want actors on top of her wedding cake, his attention was suddenly distracted by somebody banging and shouting on the gates he’d just closed behind him, and, when he turned back toward the cake, he saw that the bride figure was now rapidly abseiling down the cake toward him. Briefly their eyes met, as she alighted at the top of the first tier, and the next thing Java knew she was throwing her bouquet at him.

Without time to dodge, Java attempted to catch it, but as he did so, a stun grenade concealed within the flowers exploded, sending both petals and Java flying into the air and onto the ground. As the petals rained down on Java, he saw a mass of swirling colors, and then everything went black.



Meanwhile, just outside the Stagg Estate, the newly-arrived Element was wondering just exactly how to get inside the place. He’d tried banging and shouting on the gates, when repeatedly pushing the intercom button had completely failed to get an answer. He was normally the epitome of patience, but he was on a mission now and there was no time for delays. As he regretted having a shaved head, because this seemed like an ideal opportunity for pulling any hair out, he heard a woman’s voice coming over the intercom.

“Who’s there?” the voice asked.

“My name’s Yu. Although you might know me as Ele-”

“Please state the purpose of your business,” the voice interrupted.

“I’ve come to see Metamorpho. It’s urgent.”

“Your request will be relayed to... Metamorpho,” said the automated reply. “Thank you and have a nice day.”

“But I need to see him now,” Element argued, but there was no longer an answer, and so he gazed through the bars of the gates once again and in the distant darkness he could make out something that looked like a giant wedding cake, with one lone multicolored figure on top. A figure he recognized instantly.

“Metamorpho,” he gasped.



The inert figure of Metamorpho at the top of the wedding cake had now been abandoned by his bride, since Urania Blackwell, for it was she in the wedding dress, was now far below on the ground, standing over a petal-strewn caveman, as she checked that the stun grenade she’d used, which could have felled a rhino, hadn’t caused him too much damage. Satisfied he was still breathing, she started to tear off the wedding dress, ready for her mission ahead, when a dazed and confused Java opened his eyes.

“Sapphire,” he yelled, hearts practically appearing in his eyes.

She replied with a quick kick to his head; that would have dealt with most men, but not with Java, who actually smiled. “Romance isn’t dead,” he yelled, before giving her a playful punch to her face, as he thought of dragging her back to his cave.

Thrown backwards by the blow, she found herself being cushioned by the cake, as she went through its icing into its spongy filling. She was quite surprised; she hadn’t expected the spy accessories shop, that had provided it at a moment’s notice, to actually manage to make a real cake rather than just a mock up. Then again, these guys were professionals - they’d originally started out making giant props for supervillains, back when that was all the rage - and in those days they couldn’t risk angering the customer with anything less than perfection. Still, her marveling at their craftsmanship would have to wait for another time, as she looked up at Java, looming toward her, and dodged his next blow.

“Hey, sweetie,” she said, trying to calm him, but then she realized that he’d started to come to his senses.

“Not Sapphire,” he screamed angrily, as his hands went around her throat and he pushed her down, trying to drown her in the cake’s filling. Urania, who was fairly used to this kind of situation, was now on auto-pilot, as she blindly flailed around with her arms, while her legs tried in vain to kick the bulky caveman away. Finally, one of her hands found what she was looking for - the mechanical abseiling device that’d she descended the cake with earlier - and, with only a few seconds of air left, she managed to attach the device to Java’s belt buckle, and then pressed the reverse button.

Suddenly, she found herself able to breathe again, slightly, as she was pulled up from the cakey depths, with Java’s hands still around her throat, as Java was swiftly pulled up the cake as the metallic cable retracted. She continued to struggle, her hands now trying to pull Java’s hands from her throat, and it finally paid off as the caveman let Urania drop from his grasp about halfway up, and then, as he looked down at her, the first tier of the wedding cake cushioning her fall, his ascent got quicker and quicker, and he suddenly found himself colliding at high speed with the metallic Metamorpho that the cable was anchored to at the top.

Java fell face-down into the cake’s summit, and then a dazed-again Java got up, not entirely sure what was going on, but knowing that he was angry and that a smiling Metamorpho was looking down on him. Without thinking, the caveman leaped at the Metamorpho figure and started pounding and pounding at it with all of his might. Unfortunately, what was not apparent to Java, was that this figure of Metamorpho, that had been designed for abseiling down from, had to be able to support a lot of weight, and was therefore anchored down by a large metal rod going right through the centre of the cake. As Java increased his pounding, and the Metamorpho figure, and the cake itself, started to lean over, Urania realized what was about to happen, and dived off the cake, just in time to avoid the avalanche as Java suddenly found himself plunging into the centre of the cake.

Urania, safely on the ground, looked up at the cake remains. “Have to be easier ways to get past security,” she mused, as she rushed towards the main building of the Estate, donning special goggles. “Now, let’s get what I came here for.”



Now that the bachelor party and the traveling with Java were finally over with, Metamorpho could relax. He’d have preferred to have done that with Saph, but she was away at her bridal shower tonight, so he decided to just sit back and watch television, hoping there was some sports on somewhere. As he flicked through the channels however, he came across breaking news from Las Vegas about a massive barfight where all of the casualties had uniforms bearing the Cadmus logo. Just as they were about to go over for live coverage, the phone started ringing.

Muting the television, Rex’s arm stretched over to grab the telephone, and he found himself listening to the female voice of Simon Stagg’s ever-annoying security system, telling him there was somebody at the gate wanting to meet him.

“Who is it?” Rex asked.

“You,” was the reply.

“What, me?”

“No, You.”

Great, an Abbott and Costello rountine. “Did they give a name?”

“They said they were You.”

“But they’re not me,” he protested.

“No, you’re you. They’re You.”

“So, who are you?” Rex asked.

“I am the Stagg Industries security system, making things easier for you.”

“Don’t suppose this person’s got another name?”

“They said you might know them as Ella.”

“Ella?”

“Yes, Ella,” the voice said.

“But I don’t know an Ella.”

“Do you want me to run a search for you. Alternatively,” the voice said helpfully, “I can run a search for You.”

At which point, Metamorpho slammed the phone down, figuring it would be quicker just going to the main gate.



Yu had been waiting patiently outside the gates, wondering why Metamorpho, who he could make out in the distance, was just standing there on top of the cake-shaped structure, when suddenly he saw a brutish figure attacking Metamorpho and the structure collapsing.

Although he wasn’t sure what was happening, Yu knew that he just couldn’t stand there and do nothing. With but a thought, he bent the bars of the gate, giving himself enough room to enter, and, by the time the bars had bent back into place, Yu was running towards what was the cake-shaped object, and was surprised to find that it actually was a cake.

Desperate to find Metamorpho, he started to dig through the cake remains, his power over the elements creating hands of air that threw cake all around. Finally, he found the unconscious body of the brutish figure he’d seen earlier, and then the figure of Metamorpho. Climbing through the cake, Yu reached the Element Man and placed a hand over him, analyzing his elements. It seemed that, to protect himself, Metamorpho had transformed himself to iron; hopefully that was the reason the hero wasn’t breathing, assuming he needed to breathe at all. Remaining calm, he looked around for help, figuring that the people here would know Metamorpho better than he did, and that was when he spotted a figure running toward the main building.

Much to Yu’s confusion, that figure was also Metamorpho.



Inside the large mansion that was the Stagg Estate’s main building, Urania Blackwell was standing in one of Simon Stagg’s many rooms of treasures, her bridal gown now discarded, leaving a lurid skintight jumpsuit. The room was black, pitch black, but, thanks to her special goggles, she managed to contort, somersault, and shimmy past the numerous laser beams set up to detect intruders.

Finally, pausing for only a second to glimpse at the infra-red images of the other treasures there, she arrived at the Orb of Ra - the treasure Rex Mason had given up his humanity for - and started to cut into the glass case.

Suddenly, she was almost blinded as the light came on, and she turned around to see who’d discovered her.

“Metamorpho,” she gasped.



Just moments ago, Metamorpho had come down to meet the mysterious ‘Ella’ that the security system had told him about, but just as he’d stepped out of his door, his attention had been grabbed by the strange cake footprints he’d seen on the stone ground outside, heading toward the main building.

His curiosity getting the better of him, he’d followed the footprints, into the building and down the corridors, until he’d ended up at one of Simon Stagg’s rooms of treasures - the one he was most familiar with - and there he switched on the light to discover a blonde-haired woman stealing the Orb of Ra.

“Metamorpho,” she gasped.

“Sapphire?!” he gasped back, but then realized his mistake. “No, you must be Ella.”

Urania said nothing, not having the time to correct him, and just turned her attention back to the glass case and getting the Orb of Ra.

Metamorpho, annoyed at her ignoring him, ran straight at her, setting off the world’s most expensive alarm system, that had been recently upgraded following a reported spates of robberies by a mysterious blue and gold duo.

Ignoring the alarms, Urania, having now got the Orb of Ra in her hand, turned her attention back to Metamorpho, who was now almost upon her, his body turning to iron.

Urania smiled, as she threw herself aside, easily avoiding the lumbering hero, and smashed into a glass case she’d been looking at earlier. As the glass shattered, her hand reached into the case, grabbing its contents, and by the time Rex turned to her, he found that she was aiming Captain Cold’s gun at him. Much to his annoyance, and to her relief, the weapon still worked after all this time, and a wave of ice leapt out at him, catching him in its cast iron grip.

Encased in ice, Rex briefly reflected on how Java must have felt all of those years, and then, his mind back in the present, he converted his body into potassium, and, near enough instantaneously, the explosive reaction between potassium and water started and blasted him out of his predicament.

As he stood among the ice and steam, converting himself back to normal - well, as normal as he got - he saw that the girl had disappeared. He also noticed that the glass panel in front of one of the exhibits had been cut away, and that the suit of armor behind it was now starting to move.

“You don’t really think that Bozo can defeat me, do you?” he said mockingly, to the woman piloting the robot body.

She gave no answer, so Rex just grabbed up the ice gun she’d used on him and blasted the robot, encasing it in ice.

“Let’s see how you like i-” he began, but by then the robot had casually broken through the wall of ice and was heading toward him. That was fine with Metamorpho, who swiftly became nitrogen and wrapped himself around the robot’s head, cutting off its air supply. As the robot just ignored him, and turned to leave, Rex realized that the outfit must include its own internal oxygen supply.

As Metamorpho marveled at how well Simon Stagg maintained his treasures, he was distracted by a short Asian boy who’d just burst into the room.

“I’m called Yu,” shouted Yu, over the alarms sounding. “I control the elements.”

Metamorpho looked in disbelief at the new arrival. Great, first Totally Spies, now Avatar.

Yu turned his attention to the oncoming robot, its metal body starting to peel away with each step, as slowly the girl within was revealed.

“Is that Sapphire?” Yu asked, but, by the time he’d done so, the girl had leapt out of the robot, discarding the blonde wig she’d been wearing, and was running toward the door.

Just as she reached it, Metamorpho materialized before her and turned into lead. Unable to stop in time, she smashed into him and fell back stunned, while he grabbed the Orb of Ra off her and held it in an iron fist.

Picking herself up off the floor, she took a second to stare daggers at Metamorpho, and then, hearing the alarms, she figured she better get away quickly; the Orb of Ra looked like it would have to stay put.

With a surprising burst of speed, she managed to dodge past Metamorpho, and then ran down the corridors and made her way outside, only to realize why Metamorpho hadn’t felt the need to chase after her, as she was confronted by the numerous armed guards that made up Simon Stagg’s security force.

“KAT, you better come quick,” she yelled, as the men rushed toward her, and then, in the next second, she heard the familiar revving of engines coming from outside and suddenly the silver Jaguar had ripped through the main gates, skidded through the cake (and several security staff) and was by her side.

“So, you were waiting outside all the time?” Urania said, leaping into the car, as its roof came up deflecting the oncoming bullets.

“Uh-huh,” KAT replied.

“So you instantly assumed I’d fail?”

“Yeah, it tends to save time,” KAT said as her engines began to rev once more. “So, I guess you didn’t get the Orb. Guess that means it’s Plan B?”

“Plan B!”

“Air or sea?” asked KAT.

“Whatever way’s quickest.”

“That would be a straight line,” replied KAT as she headed straight towards the main building, accelerating as much as she was able, and then, at the last minute, she took off leaving the building far below.

“Fasten your seatbelt. It’s going to be a bumpy ride.”



Back in the main building, Yu was using his power over metal to disable all of the noisy alarm bells, when suddenly they heard a sonic boom from overhead.

“Simon’s not going to like this,” Metamorpho said.

“But you saved the orb,” Element said.

“Yeah, but you totaled that antique one-of-a-kind suit of armour.”

Element looked at Rex sheepishly.

“Don’t worry, kid. Everything will be okay.”

Element continued to look at Rex.

“Well, what is it?” Metamorpho asked. “You look like you want to ask me something.”

“Could you please take me to where you found the Orb of Ra?”

“What, that pyramid in Egypt? Sure I can. Get in touch with me when I get back from the honeymoon.”

“But, you can’t have the wedding yet,” Yu said.

“Trust me, kid. There’s nothing going to get in the way of this wedding.”

“But you need to take me to that pyramid first,” Element said, his words rushed. “Then I might be able to figure out how to save my friend.”

“That’s all very well, kid, but I can’t see how that affects me and my wedding.”

“I told you I controlled the elements, and I look at you and you’re not the way you’re supposed to be,” Element began, putting his hand on Rex’s.

“Thanks for stating the obvious, but me and Sapph-” Rex began, and then he saw that the kid wasn’t even listening. He seemed more interested in staring at Rex’s hand. And then Rex found himself also staring. It hadn’t been that color in a long time.

“I can...” Element said, searching for the right words, “I can fix you.”

To Be Continued!


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