Issue 3: "Lost Heads and Flaming Weiners"

Powers Towers, bedroom of Harry Jordan

A fist slams against a static-plagued alarm clock, causing it to rattle and fall silent.

“Damn, I hate that song.” Vapor said, waking up in a bed and t-shirt that are not her own. She realizes this, sobbed and put her face into her hands miserably. “Not again.”

She looked over at Airwave asleep next to her and ran her hand through her hair and began to get up quietly when she noticed the alarm clock again. 9:00 A.M. She had work at 7! Suddenly the quiet morning was shattered as she screamed at him to move over so she could find her missing pants and head out. Harry sits up and squints, still drowsy.

“Come on Harry, move, I think you’re on my pants!” She yelled.

Harry rubbed his eyes and looked up, confused, “What?”

“MOVE!” She yelled back.

”Why, where are you going?”

”I have work, remember. SOME of us had jobs before this and have to keep a secret identity.” She said looking through a pile of his clothes on the floor by the bed.

“I don’t get it, why don’t you just quit already?”

”Because Harry, we have like, responsibilities… or something… You saw that superhero movie!”

”What, Magenta Lords?”

”No, that one was a little… umm.. the OTHER one, with that kid from Pleasantville.”

”What, Reese Witherspoon?”

“No, the other one.”

”Oh, right that one. With the organic webshooters… psh, that sucked. In the rea-“

“Harry, it doesn’t matter, the point is that as super heroes and we have responsibilities. We can’t lie around all day while the world moves around us, we can’t depend on our powers to earn out livelihoods, we can’t ya know… like, just sit around and quit our jobs! That is how we get found out!”

”Oh and not wearing a mask attributes nothing to it?”

“God, this is pointless,” Vapor said as she picked up a pair of faded jeans from behind the bed board and began to put them on one leg at a time, “Look, if you are going to hang around the Tower all day doing nothing, that’s okay for you, it doesn’t bother me, but you can’t expect me to leave the real world behind because you have some insane perspective on reality. Reality is we are going to get old and this money is going to dry up and then what? What do we do when we can’t put on a costume to make a living?”

“We write memoirs?”

“I don’t have time for this. I got to go.”

“Oh wait, Carrie.”

“What now?”

“Love ya.” Carrie frowned and blew the messy brown hair from her eyes and shook her head walking out the door, slamming it behind her.

A strange, inhumanly loud voice erupted from upstairs; so thunderous the walls shook the vibrations spread downwards through the Tower. Oberon’s eyes widened and he jumped up, tossed the remote control to Audrey and confidently walked away until he is out of sight, then he runs. Sprints.

“Oberon!” Josiah Powers shouted, red-faced.

“Yeah boss?” Oberon answered innocently entering Josiah’s office.

“Just what the hell is going on here?”

“Oh that boss?” Oberon answered gesturing toward a pair of men in coveralls who were running cables under Josiah’s six thousand dollar carpet. “I ordered satellite TV for your office.”

“You what?!” Josiah exclaimed in disbelief at Oberon’s nerve.

“Josie relax. When they’re done, you’ll have over one thousand channels on that bad boy. Besides what’s the point of having such a big flat screen with regular cable?”

“Do I even need to point out that TV wasn’t here yesterday when I left?” Josiah asked coldly.

“It’s okay. It’s top of the line! Nothing but the best for you boss!”

“How did you pay for it?”

“Um…well..”

“Oberon?”

“Business account.” Oberon mumbled under his breath.

“I’m sorry did you say--”

Josiah was cut off by the satellite installer. “Sir, I just need a signature here and we’ll be on our way.”

Josiah reluctantly signed while cursing the day he met Oberon under his breath.

“Look boss!” Oberon said excitedly pressing buttons on the four different remote controls required to work the new television system. Several channels flickered by as Oberon’s chubby fingers do the walking. He speaks quickly trying to distract Josiah from being angry with him.

“We got twelve HBO’s, six Cinemax’s, fifteen--”

“Slow down.” commanded Josiah.

The channel came to a stop on MTV. Josiah and Oberon both looked at the television and became simultaneously dumbfounded…

Also, high above the streets of San Francisco!

Power Girl skidded to a complete stop on the hot pavement. She had just been knocked twenty feet across the road by some high-powered laser gun. Intergang had been making their move on the San Francisco gun trade and their presence wass being felt.

Power Girl got up and the gang banger responsible for said skidding across pavement, quickly realized his folly. He dropped his weapon and turn and ran. Pushing up her sleeves, Power Girl gave a look that could level a building on its own. She picked up the gun and cracked it over her knee. At lightening quick speed she flew at the thug who was still trying to run. Picking him by his shirt collar, Power Girl flew straight up a hundred feet in the air and the scared gangbanger started to beg.

“Pl--Please d--don’t drop me.”

“Please don’t drop me.” Power Girl mocked. “What happened to the big strong hunk you were back there?”

“I’m s—sorry.” Supplicated the thug.

“Fine, fine here you go.” She said as she let him down softly on top of a car. He gave a sigh of relief but its only until he looks down that he notices that he is on top of a police car.

Power Girl walked away smiling. As she went past a department store window, she looked up at the stack of television screens, all of which are tuned to MTV spring break. Power Girl watched the screen and as she did so, the smile fades and is replaced by anger, so much anger that she doesn’t notice the sales clerk by the television stacks staring at her chest.

“Yo yo we is back! It’s MTV SPRING BREAK 2006!! I’m ya host Buck Fiddy! IN THE HIZZY, you know what I mean, MTV’s got me out here looking fly, doin’ it real big. You know how I do. ”

The energetic rapper ran across the gigantic wooden stage surrounded by television cameras with brightly colored logos on them. Hundreds of nearly naked teens dancing in front of a suggestively shaped oversized hotdog served as a backdrop.

The crowd full of college students whose usual schedule consisted of drinking and vomiting were taking a much-needed break to… well, drink and vomit. Only this time, many of them can do it on television! And as everyone knows, that makes it ten times more fun.

“A’ight y’all we got a special guest I jus fount in da audience. Give a big sprang break welcome to my dawg, BOOSTER GOLD!!”

A rap song blasted from large speakers and the blue and gold clad superhero jogged out onto the stage and commenced hi-fiving the crowd members closest to the stage. He extended his hand in gesture to a few young ladies to join him on stage. They took his hand and climbed on up, all three of them in thong bikinis. Booster riled up the crowd while dancing to the rhythmic pulse blaring from the thumping speakers that began playing when he ran out on the stage. After this, he joined Buck Fiddy and grabbed a microphone with an MTV logo on it and began holding it out for the crowd to scream into.

“Hey, what up Fiddy?!” Booster shouted over the crowd, which is still worked up into a deranged, sex-crazed frenzy.

“Erywon knows my padna Booster. Boosta is a memba a Powas Inc. the team o’ suppa heroes out doin’ their thing over up in San Fran. YAY AREEEA!!! Thanks fo comin out, dawg!”

“I’m not just a member! I’m the leader, Fiddy!” Booster shouted with his obnoxious smile.

“Oh, Word?!”

“Yep. They couldn’t function with out the Booster man shaking my bling-bling around the Tower! ” Booster said dancing again, this time without the rhymes.

“Ahh man Boosta so we gots to know. What kind a dimes ya pullin down in San Fran dawg?”

“Oh yeah, all kinds of dimes, man! Left and right! I’ve got like a whole piggy bank!”

”Yo what about dat blonde blonde wif da bigass %$** ?”

“I…um…well…”

“Yeeeeah! I knew it! I knew she couldn’t be in dat building wiff all those dudes and nobody hittin it!”

“Oh… I didn’t say…” The crowd went silent waiting for him to finish, “that the others were hittin’ it too, ya know? She is so tired from me to really do much else.” The crowd went nuts, and Booster wiped the sweat off of his masked brow. Nice save Booster he thinks to himself.

“You don’t gotta say it boyee! I’m feelin ya, I’m feelin ya! How is dat though? I bet she wild, yo?!”

“Yeah she…um…”

“Dats what I’m talkin ‘bout yall! Yeah, dat’s hot, dat’s hot. Good to know you’re doin’ yours, nahmean? Well, hey check it out, we gotta go to break, we’ll be right back with Booster Gold when we get back, none of yall touch that dial, ya heard me? ”

The cameraman cleared everyone for the break. Booster looked around nervously hoping against hope that Power Girl isn’t near a television. Before he even got a chance to say a fraction of a word the cameras are cued back up and the show resumes.

“Aight what we gonna do now is da jello shot contest!”

Booster finished out the show by doing sixteen jello shots from the navel of a nubile college co-ed. Unfortunately, he could handle his liquor well and remained coherent enough make an even further ass out of himself and his team. After a quick round of spring break karaoke, he headed over to the whip cream bikini contest.

Thaddeus Brown looked through the windows of the small shops and smiled. His wife was behind him, looking at all the jewelry shops and picked out her favorite pieces. He loved this part of his life as much as the escapes and the heroics, because his wife was the world to him. San Diego was beautiful that time of the year, apart from the sudden rampage of all the Spring Breakers on the streets, but he liked spending time around the youths of the day, missing the fact that his own son… He shook the thought from his head and turned to his wife, when sees a bright light fill the sky above the beach.

What the?

“Holy…” Booster flew up, punched his attacker hard across the jaw and leaped back onto the stage, only to be kicked across the back by enemy unknown. ‘Mom’. This was not a good day for him. Where were all the babes? All the hot chicks that he’d been licking earlier? He stopped thinking for a moment, realized the absurdity of his last comment and mentally filed it away for the time being. He’d bring that thought back to the forefront of his mind later. When he was alone. In bed. At home. At night. He smiled slightly and was punched hard across the jaw by ‘Mom’. Her and Dad walked toward him, hands raised, radiation glowing from their hands when suddenly…

Meanwhile, a headless Mom walked around the beach mindlessly emitting sporadic blasts of electro magnetic energy. Booster got up after witnessing what Power Girl had just done to Dad and flew toward Mom punching a hole through her chest hoping the blow shuts down her computer system rather than causing a massive explosion. He looked upon the headless droid with satisfaction until he hears Mom’s voice begin to say, “Emergency: Self Destruction will commence in 5…4…”

Booster activated his forcefield, grabbed her by the waist to fly the time bomb away from the bystanders when Power Girl rolls her eyes and snatches Mom away from Booster tossing her into the beautiful ocean backdrop.

Suddenly, the kids and dog showed up. Power Girl and Booster whipped their heads around as the oldest, Biff, began to glow with radiation. Sis followed and Brat and Dog turned white and begun to flake forming a layer of pure nuclear fallout.

Power Girl and Booster prepared to fight when Steel and Looker teleport in the middle of the two. The kids were obsessed and their pale voices mutter in code back and forth between the three.

Booster threw the first punch when he zoomed toward Biff landing a swift punch to his jaw. Biff stood unaffected and emitted a thermal pulse at Booster, which narrowly bounced off Booster’s shield. Steel jumped in trying to sustain either Brat and/or Dog before they could get too close to the crowd below and Looker landed on the beach and attempted to stabilize one of the robots with her telekinesis. Sis immediately began blasting energy waves at Power Girl who was able to dodge the waves as they came. Sis desperately unleashed a blast that knocked against Power Girl with a force strong enough to send Powergirl to the sea. Booster turned his head as his teammate crashes into the ocean and was thrown unawares into the ocean as well. Steel finally managed to grab Brat but the fallout spread, loosening Steel’s grip and the little robot managed to escape.

“All publicity… Is good… Publicity.” Josiah shook his head and let it fall on the desk. That was a nightmare. Every news station had coverage of Powers, Inc. vs. The Nuclear Family at MTV Spring Break 2006. Sure he could net profits from this team’s appearance, and sure the team won but Good God was that a disaster! Booster Gold… the People’s Champ. When did that happen? When? He sat down and felt like he’s going to cry. Bloody hell. He’d have to share the news. He had to be strong. Had to tell the team what was happening so he had called Oberon to his office three minutes ago.

“What is it Josie?”

“Oberon.”

“Yeah, Josie?”

“Oberon.”

“Oh, sorry, yeah, what is it Josiah?”

“Erhem.”

“Sir, what is the problem?”

“I just got call from MTV executives. We’re getting sued for damages. Buck Fiddy’s people are suing us for emotional damages. I’m lucky those teenagers were all drunk else they too would be suing for damages. We’re in it deep. But we’ve been given an way out of this hole that the team dug themselves.”

Oberon shook his head confused. “That being?”

“Call the team together.”

An Epilogue:

It wasn’t in his contract. So he left for a while. He knew the team, he knew what they were like and he smiled. They couldn’t sustain a reality TV show for more than one season. Two at the max. He’d allowed the Inc. to take up too much of his time, so he had made a decision. Concentrate on his own life for a while and spend some time with his wife, doing something he loved doing.

Escaping.

Mr. Miracle smiled and then flexed his muscles, getting a feel for the bindings and the locks. It was like breathing… You feel the locks; you shift your weight and just nudge… at… the… seams… Then relax, Totally. The straightjacket came off with ease, and he smiled. How could he not? Then comes the next bit. He took a massive bound and then the spikes burst up, tearing at the still falling jacket. This was moving fast. His adrenaline was pumping. He loved this. He jerked his legs out, and balanced on the spikes themselves, his legs positioned so he couldn’t fall. He took a breath, and pressed his hands against the Plexiglas chamber. He felt the heat emanating from the base of the small tube and leapt up higher, off the spikes and pressed his booted feet against the chamber itself. He held himself high, and swung up, pressing his palms against the sides of the lid and then the heat intensified. A massive belch of flame burst out of the floor, and his torn straight jacket erupted in flames, and frazzled and burnt into ash. The flames kept coming, engulfing the entire tube, and the crowd gasped.

Mr. Miracle was inside a small Plexiglas tube, on a stage, and his hundreds of surrounded that. He was surrounded 360; everyone could see into the chamber, everyone could see the escape artist be engulfed by flames, by sure death, and only two men in the crowd smiled. We’ll get to them later. Three men ran onto the stage, fire extinguishers in hand, and they yanked open the scolding hot Plexiglas walls down away from the flame jets. Their movements were swift, and they instantly put out the fire before the sudden infusion of oxygen could worsen the blaze. The crowd collectively held their breath, a sudden gulping noise echoing throughout the field. Smoke rushed high into the sky, and when everything cleared… Only the remains of a straightjacket remained. The crowd rumbled with excitement… Where was Mr. Miracle? Where was Thaddeus the Great? A loud cough filled the field, obviously trying to gain attention, and the swarm of onlookers spun around, and Mr. Miracle stood behind them, smiling beneath his mask, his costume smoldering. He had cut it close, he could have died, but the adrenaline rush was worth it. The crowd cheered and he made his way through the crowd, back to the stage where the fire team stood, confused, and he bowed to all four sides of the crowd.

Mr. Miracle: best there was, best there is, best there ever will be, and basking in the limelight once more. Powers and his Inc. could wait; this was what he lived for. Not for the glare of the cameras, not for the attention, but for the rush, the rush of energy and life that he gained when he did his job. When he escaped.

Two men still had their smiles on their faces. One, a long way from home, stubble covering his face, burn marks on his back and his wrists red from being covered in chains. His hair was short cropped, and it looked like he had been recovering from a deadly disease, his features gaunt, wasted. He smiled because he’s met a kindred spirit. Someone who can resist the fire, who knows the escape. Someone, like him, who got away scott-free... Or so he thought. The second had long hair, and feels his thumb and forefinger rub against each other. The crowd would soon part, he would soon get his chance, and he would then complete his assignment….